Friday, March 18, 2011

Port O' Princess

There are some things that you can expect to be a little different about this posting as compared to the past posts: a lack of brilliant wit and creative writing, poor grammar, poor sentence structure, over use of comma's, the possible misuse of verb tense, and if I forget to press spell check, a rash of misspelling. Why this sudden digression? Because it was written by me, Nathan, Elisa's husband. One of the many ways in which Elisa is my better half is her wonderful talent with the written word. So my apologizes in advance. Elisa had been asking me for a while to contribute to the blog, which I emphatically declined. I told her that would be like asking me to go run next to Carl Lewis.  However I felt that I should pick up some of the load on this one, as it was a day about Elisa. Yesterday was a very big day. A very long, physically and mentally exhausting day. Elisa had her medi-port ( Elisa does a beautiful job of describing what this is in an earlier post ) placed in her chest and received her first chemotherapy treatment. Up until today ( and here i can only speak for myself ) Elisa's cancer had a ghost like quality to it. It was all words and reports and slides. There was no pain. No symptoms. There was no way, other than the lump in her breast, that her body was telling her that she was very sick. Not anymore. Yesterday a physical aspect of it was added. Everything became much, much more real. She will now have a physical reminder, 24/7, stitched into her chest. And it is not going away anytime soon. This was difficult for me to see. It was difficult for her mother and father to see. It was even more difficult for Elisa to have done to her. (I really hate that one of the side effects of my chemo is that it hurts to cry. )

So bear with me as I take you through the day.
We were at NYU from 7:20 am until 7:30 pm.
Yesterdays entourage consisted if Elisa, her mother Eileen, her father Al and myself. After checking in we all headed to the radiology waiting area. Around 8 we were taken in to the patient prep room where a nurse went over the procedure that was about to happen and what to expect. The actual procedure for inserting the port is very quick, you are back out to recovery within the hour. So after changing Elisa was led to the OR and the rest of us were relegated to the waiting area. Just about an hour later she was out and in the recovery area where we had to wait until 11 for or scheduled transport ambulette to take us from the NYU hospital to the NYU cancer center where she will be getting all her chemo treatments. During the wait, Elisa was finally allowed to eat a little food. Unfortunately her body was not so keen on that and she became very nauseous. Never fun, but even worse when you are exhausted, just had a foreign object stuck in you and are  hooked up to monitors and an I.V. They were able to give her some meds to help with the nausea and soon she was feeling back to good ol' exhausted and achy.
The transport arrived about 45 min late and we headed over to the next stop.
I would like to take a minute to say how amazingly kind and courteous our ambulette driver was. His good nature cheered us up and we felt a little better by the time we drove the five blocks the the cancer center. Thank you Harold.
First stop was blood work. Then upstairs to have a consult with Elisa's oncologist. We had a ton of new questions that we wanted to ask based on some of our research and Al had a whole list of his own to ask. Dr. Volm took the time to answer everyone with the gentle and clear manner that made us a big fans of his from our first meeting with him. (I am going to try to speed this up, if anybody is even still reading at this point).
Next stop was chemotherapy. We all scarfed down a sandwich while we waited to be called in (thank you again Eileen for going out to get those!). Once we were taken back and given the quick tour of the facilities (very nice if you were wondering) we were led to the room that Elisa was to receive her chemo.  Luckily she got one right next to a big window and sun was pouring in. Elisa was soon napping like a cat in a sunbeam. 10 minutes later they came to start the first of the set of three drugs - Herceptin. Like most drugs, there are usually a long list of side effects that one can have, but most people don't get. Herceptin is no different. Only it is very uncommon to have a reaction. But as you all know by now, my wife is special. So about 2 minutes into the infusion her body start to tremble - a sign of a reaction. Of course nausea comes with it too. Oh, and did I mention that now the local anesthesia from her port placement has worn off? Needless to say this makes for a pretty shitty combination. So Elisa is feeling horrible. I feel horrible watching this. This is really starting to suck. They give her Benadryl for the reaction and Atavin medication. Both make you drowsy. They give her only Tylenol for the pain (let me tell you, having just had one put in a couple of weeks ago, these people are out of their minds when they say that it won't hurt that bad).
But the combination of the three drugs have a great effect and Elisa falls into a deep sleep for the next four hours. Dr. Volm comes up to check on her when he is told about the reaction she has had. The good news is that this could mean that the drug is working right away. The bad news is that there is a slight chance she may have the same reaction during her next treatment as well ( you know how we love our slight chances). Fortunately after the next treatment (which will be next Thursday) there will be no more reactions to the Herceptin.
The next several hours pass by without event thankfully. Elisa even sleeps through all the medicine changes, a nutritionist consult, several nurse visits, port care instructions, and discharge instructions. She wakes up for the last hour and we are finally free to go. Al drives home in an hour and she eats a little and crawls into bed.
So there it is, Elisa has started her chemotherapy treatment. I was about to say that she has started fighting her cancer, but she started doing that from the second that she was told her diagnoses. She has been fighting it with her amazing positive outlook, her courageous sharing of her feelings on this blog, her gracefully acceptance of the weight that has been placed on her shoulders and her wonderful and abundant humor. And there are so many others who have been fighting it with her. With your thoughtful e-mails and letters.  Your prayers and the positive energy you send us. The food you make for us. The rides to and from treatment. The time you spend with us in your hearts and minds and in our home. I am grateful to you all beyond words. I am grateful and proud of my wife beyond measure. We will keep fighting this. Together. This cancer will not beat my wife. Will not beat my family. Will not beat this city of people that has risen up and surrounded us with it's love.

27 comments:

  1. You guys have so much strength and are so inspiring. Keep up the good mentality and amazing things will happen.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautifully written, Nate. Gabriella and I are thinking of you guys every day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. One of the hardest aspects of these treatments is that you start out feeling fine and are made to feel terrible. I hope it can help to keep thinking that all of this discomfort is ultimately healing and that you have both begun to heal and will continue to do so.

    You are both amazing people - they say He fits the burden to the back and, as Mother Theresa said, "wish he didn't have so much confidence in me" but clearly, he does. your post gets "A's" for all the meaningless classroom stuff but it off the charts for courage, support and soooo much love.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I disagree Nathan - I think you write beautifully. Give Elisa a big hug and kiss from me. Love to you both. Gunce

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Elisa & Nathan & Sadie,
    Brea passed on the news today and we had a conference with Victoria too. We miss you and love you so much and know that more people than you will ever meet in person are praying for your entire family. Elisa, I have always admired your incredible sassy strength, self-assurance, sense of humor, and wisdom. I know they will serve you well now. Thinking of your family and sending love and good thoughts.
    ~Hollis

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am just stunned that in the midst of it all you BOTH have the capacity to render such courageous, beautiful, lively blogposts. Is there a contest you can enter- pulitzer blog prize for people in chemo? You guys are unbelievable!! On a more serious note, I just want you to know that every hour of every day I am holding you both and Sadie in my consciousness and in my prayers. I wish there was more I could do from Memphis. Please advise when barbque can be tolerated and I will delightedly send you a years supply of ribs. xo ms reed- now known as mrs murphy

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh, by the way, very nice title to post Nathan. You really couldn't go wrong after that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Reading everyday and with you and your family in spirit every moment.

    ReplyDelete
  9. i love you both. eloquent stuff nate.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow, Nathan, I thought you said you couldn't write! Our prayers and thoughts are with you and Elisa and your sweet princess, Sadie. Joellen's mother is a forty-year breast cancer survivor and has included you both in her extensive prayer network. She firmly believes prayer was her cure. We know you are both on a long, hard road, and we will travel with you all the way. Love you both!

    ReplyDelete
  11. you can add "writer" to the list of your artistic talents nathan. you did a beautiful job guiding us through the process. I think of you, elisa & sadie often, especially (i'm about to get a little vodou on you) during my dance... as it is my form of worship & prayer. your demonstration of grace is extraordinary, and a testimony as to what the two of you are really made of. much love, sheila

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nathan, You ARE a wonderful writer, and share your grace with us all in your words.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi! I don't know you guys but stumbled upon your blog. I just want you to know that your family is in my prayers. I think you guys are amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Nathan, you don't know me but I think about you and Elisa and Sadie a lot! Quit apologizing. Your first blog entry was so good it made me cry. It was an extreme effort, I am sure, but well worth it. I was a high school classmate of Eileen's - another person who is the best. I cannot do anything for you except pray and that I do daily. I am also on a campaign to get others to pray so word is getting around. My daily request is comfort, peace and cure for you and Elisa - wisdom and strength for those who treat your disease and those who love and support you. And wow, do you have good friends! Keep writing.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nathan and Elisa, in a matter of days, all of Vanderbilt is praying for you. Elisa, you may or may not remember me but I remember you! Way down here in Alabama, our family is praying for your family and spreading the word fast. I firmly believe that all prayers go straight up but here in the Bible belt, those prayers have a little twang and "mouth of the South" on them. So here's our prayer that all prayers will be answered quickly and that God reveals His plan through this chaos even more quickly. We'll be checking in on you all daily in order to keep you in our thoughts and prayers. I'm the Asst. Dean for Campus Life at Samford University and I've forwarded your blog and website onto our Relay for Life teams that will be raising funds for you and all cancer fighters next Friday, April 1st. Keep fighting and know you have prayer warriors everywhere across the globe!
    Renie Porter Moss

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear Nathan and Elisa,
    we are sending you so much Brooklyn love. We would love to come over watch/play with Sadie, bring over bagels, and giggle about birthing techniques and breathing exercises. Anytime. you name it.
    love,
    Jane and Glen and Baby Viva (from birthing class!!)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Our prayers and all our love go to you both every day.
    A warm hug from Palmira, Pablo and Constanza.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You don't know me as I stumbled upon your blog through a friend, but after reading your blog, you have become part of me. I will continue to pray for you both, cry for you both, cheer for you both and fight for you both until this is some thing of a "remember when..." story for you two. Love, prayers and strength from South Jersey

    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  19. New to your blog. I will post tomorrow about your family and already posted your link on my facebook page. Hoping to send you tons and tons of prayers! You don't know me personally but I am rooting for you!!! Love and strength from your friend in NJ!

    ReplyDelete
  20. You don't don't know me, but I am grateful to get the chance to know the 3 of you. I heard about your story through a family member on FB and it immediately brought tears to my eyes. I have posted your story on my FB page and will be asking my church to pray for you. I will continue to check back and follow your story to what I have to believe will be a happy ending. You seem like amazing people and the kind of people my husband and I would call friends. I am 37 and my husband is 35 and we have a 3 year old daughter. I know you will both be there to watch Sadie grow and accomplish all those little goals you have for her =).......God bless all of you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I came acrossed your blog through another blog I read and cannot believe what I had read today. My reaction.... WHY? WHY? WHY? Which is the same reaction my family had starting almost 6 years ago. My mother was diagnosed with colon rectal cancer on April 1, 2005... we couldn't believe it...She was the first in our family diagnosed with that Damn "C" word. Thank god along with prayers and positive attitude my mother made it through everything. Then BAMM!!! Yes, the family was hit once again... this time it was Me. On March 7. 2006 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I was diagnosed the very same day my mother received the news that she was all clear and all things were good. Now you can understand with the WHY? WHY? WHY? My thoughts and prayers are with your family during this time but remember POSITIVE THOUGHTS will get you through everything. May God Bless you and give you the strength to get through this... and you will... because you will have many, many years of enjoying your ever growing family. With Love, Mary Beth

    ReplyDelete
  22. I should have also posted... I myself got through the very rough Chemo Treatments... but I guess if they weren't rough things may be different today. There are many downhills to the treatments but remember the uphills won't be very far behind. Stay Strong.. you and your husband will get through this. Mary Beth

    ReplyDelete
  23. My love and prayers are with you, I am humbled by how much strength you all have. I love you guys dearly.

    William

    ReplyDelete
  24. Good afternoon,
    It was with great sadness that I read the news in one of our newspapers in Portugal. I will be father for the 3rd time soon and I can not imagine a situation analogous to yours. Now I leave my full support. From today I will be a frequent visitor of your blog. Big hug Ricardo Teixeira

    ReplyDelete
  25. This family out here in California will carry you in our thoughts and our prayers. You two are a STONG couple and an example of true love beating all the odds. May God bless you and keep you safe.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I saw your story via Vandy email received today.
    Know that I am praying for you all.
    Peace be with you,
    --Doug
    VU'86
    trylesstrustmore.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Nathan, you are so lucky to be married to Elisa who can make you laugh and keep up this amazing blog. When you said it hurts to cry though, I couldn't stop crying.. I know this is a year ago...my husband was at NYU getting chemo (his second round) last March too. (I know the sunny seat you speak of!!) Life is nuts, and I am touched by your stories, and so happy you have such loving family and friends.
    We are all in this together.

    ReplyDelete