Yes, I've been feeling pretty good expect those first couple days before I got the meds figured out. Many of you even commented on FB today that I looked fine yesterday when I met with my friend Amy after my last whole brain radiation treatment. I did. I was tired, but come on, tired is totally acceptable.
So why look so "good." First rule of having cancer, I try not to look like I have cancer. There is nothing worse than facing myself in the mirror in the morning, hair all patchy, dark circles under my eyes, no eyebrows...you get the idea. I might as well say, "Good morning, Elisa. Remember last night, when you finally went to bed after Klonopin and guided mediation to counter act the steroids? Yeah, well, HA on you, girl! You still got it kid. You STILL have cancer.
Today, the EXACT day after my last treatment, I woke up, coughed and then ran to the bathroom to vomit. Really? The doctors did warn me of all the short term side effects of radiation which usually set on worse after the treatment because of its cumulative effect, one of which is nausea and vomiting, but just this once I thought I might get lucky. Just once? The meds seemed to be working. Yes, I was jittery but the Klonopin helped to counter that out and I like to nap. Oh, but, no. They've been toying with me. Lurking beneath the surface, waiting to pounce. I actually believed this might be the one time I would be spared the "usual"side effects. Yet at the appointed hour, as if a rooster were in on the plan, it emerged at day break.
There was one saving grace. Sadie had spent the night at my mom's last night. She was Sadie's plus one for the school trip to the zoo today. I crawled back into bed and Nathan made me a bagel to tamp down the nausea. So much for my raw food diet today, but this was not the morning to chop kale.
I know this isn't one of my best and brightest posts but I am trying not to put pressure on myself to always be "me" whatever that means. Today I am just a tired, quiet, mama who needed a lot of rest.
FYI- Upcoming Timeline:
The follow up to this whole brain radiation treatment will be in one month. They will do an MRI and I will meet with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Narayana, the same day. I so, so love NYU and their efficiency. It really makes a difference.
Tomorrow is day one of regular chemo schedule and I will meet with my oncologist, Dr. Volm. We will schedule my PET scan and echocardiogram (six month follow-ups) that were pushed back for the rad treatment.
Mid June: Nathan follows up with his oncologist, Dr. Weiser, on the very same day as our 7th year anniversary. How romantic is that? He'll have a follow-up colonoscopy at the end of June.
End of June: I meet with my neurologist, Dr. Vazquez, and hopefully get the all clear to drive again. I know this sounds absurd people but really focus on this one. The summer is upon us and I need that freedom to feel like I can enjoy it. All my EEGs, sleep studies and ambulatory studies have shown NO SIGNS of ANY seizures so it means we finally have the right cocktail for controlling the epilepsy.
As I just said, the summer is upon us and if these two weeks of yuck stay on schedule, then I plan to resume a normal life immediately afterwards. We have two short out of town trips planned (fingers crossed), but will mostly be staying close to home in order to maintain my chemo regimen.
I know many of you pray, meditate, send good vibes to Nathan, Sadie and me but before I sign off I ask that you add these special people my life to your thoughts as well. My step-sister, Hayley, is going in for her one year follow-up from her breast cancer. May all be well with her. My second cousin's mother, Florene, just found out her breast cancer has suddenly and virulently returned after two years. Her youngest daughter is getting married in September and we all want her to be as happy and healthy for that blessed event. May she spend this summer healing and resting and getting the care she needs. Lastly, my dad, who thankfully does NOT have cancer, will be getting a knee replacement on Friday. He has had a couple of heart attacks and with any surgery there is a risk but he is determined to keep working and being active at 72 years old. Bless his heart! Did you get all that? Phew!! There's a lot of praying, meditating, good vibing that needs to get done these days, people. Hopefully this is how we heal our world, inside and out.
Peace and love, y'all.