Sunday, April 7, 2013

Boo!!


Written April 4, 2013

Boo!!  Didn’t mean to scare any of you who might still be stalking the blogosphere for news about “The Bonds.” Yes, I have been a ghost for most of the last year. I’m not making excuses or giving reasons for the long hiatus.  Plenty of reasons and excuses will surface as we catch up.  Besides, who the fuck cares at this point?  What was that?  Oh, yes.  You heard correctly.  I said it.  FUCK.  Did everyone hear me?  I wanted to get it out of the way immediately.  I have no idea where this blog is going.  I do know that it will be blazed with tears – happy and sad-, salty language, lots of TV and stories about baby girl, Sadie. She is three and a half now but an only child is always the baby.  

So where are we now?  Chemo but now I am dealing with intrathecal infusions through the Ommaya reservoir, which I explained, in the last post, I think? Posting on the blog…always feels like a resolution that I never seem to stick to it.

More about the intrathecal infusions.  They require much more help than my “normal” chemo did.  No more NY Times crossword puzzles or taking the express bus by myself.  Nope, now we’ve called the village forth again.  The actual treatments necessitate assistance from close friends and family. The treatments cause immediate side effects such needing to take a shit and/or vomiting violently.  Hence, intimates only.  Luckily, I have been able to make it to the bathroom every time except the last time when I puked only to discover the next day that I had pulled the muscles in my chest from the heaving.

You happy I’m back yet? You see why I was reluctant to talk turkey.  This turkey has been shot, had it neck chopped off, its feathers plucked, had foreign things shoved up it’s ass, slow roasted, basted and hacked into while doctors, friends and family alike, keep looking for the wishbone. 

Oh, speaking of chemo, time to get ready for my ride in.  It’s a week one so wish me luck.

68 comments:

  1. Two years ago I blogged about you and Nathan and your cancer and your radiant selves. To date, it is the most-visited blog on my site, out of hundreds. My sister is a 13-year survivor, a Herceptin poster girl, and has always told me it's OK to talk turkey. So I guess my message is let 'er rip, and thank you.
    Thomas Boyd
    tbo2010.wordpress.com

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  2. I love you. Hang in there, Elisa!

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  3. "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." Be strong.

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    1. For sure! Lord bless and heal you, dear Elisa! <3

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  4. fist off, you made me laugh with the F word! I'm glad you posted, it only reinforces that fact that your still fighting strong. Best of luck on the new treatment, may God be with you every step of the way.

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  5. I have been thinking of you and your family for a long time, and checking in regularly. De-lurking now to say I'm pleased to hear your salty voice, and I wish you the best luck - and the most time - in the world.

    Someone who cares in Seattle

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  6. Dear Elisa, thank you for posting this update. Sad to hear that you are suffering from grisly side effects without end, but good to hear there is much fighting spirit in you. Please, Elisa, never feel pressured or in duty to post updates, yet always feel free to use drastic words if you do. We are not made out of sugar! Alongside the other commenting folks, I continue to think of you, and hope this week wont be as bad for you as the others have been. Greetings from Germany.

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  7. Great to hear from you. Sending love and good wishes always.

    Carol UK

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  8. You are the best- always fiesty !!!! My best wishes are with you and yours always.

    Love from San Diego

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  9. Always thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. I'm so sorry you are still suffering from the side effects of chemo. You are always in my prayers.
    Lots of Love sent from Minnesota......

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  10. Elisa, It is really good to hear from you. You never cease to amaze with your feistiness no matter what hell it is you are going through. I know from when my brother battled this disease what a rip roaring PITA it was for him to always have people wanting updates, but it is because you almost have a cult following here and we really care, so when we hear from you, no matter how good or bad it may be, believe me when I tell you, we feel like we hit the jackpot. So we thank you for your latest entry and the prayers keep coming as well as the good vibes. It really was great to hear from you.
    :) Chrisie

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    1. Christie - I couldn't have said it better so I won't! We are like a cult following because we truly do care about this wonderful woman and her family. The good, the bad & the ugly. God Bless you Elisa and your family.
      Joanne

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    2. Yes, much agreement with Chrisie and Joanne from Becky in Sacramento. Hang in there, Elisa. We keep you in our thoughts and prayers and are always glad to hear from you.

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    3. Totally agree. You have a cheering section, Elisa. You may not see us, but we are hopeful and praying and positive vibing for you.
      From a fellow Bay Ridge-ite who wishes you and your family the very best.

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  11. Elisa,
    Keep on keepin on...thinking of you all, praying for you all-swear, scream, cry, yell-whatever gets you through - you are an inspiration!
    Mary from Pittsburgh

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  12. Great you're back! And anybody who has a problem with the cursing? Later for them. Stay strong. We're all pulling for you!!!

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  13. Honest, candid and real. We wouldn't want you any other way. Keep on trucking my friend.

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  14. Never known you not to be real and not to be real strong. Sorry for this shitty ordeal you must endure. You will win. Sending love and prayers to you...oh, and fuck cancer.
    Love, Aileen

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  15. It sounds gruesome. Hang in there. You will get through this!

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  16. (((((Elisa))))))

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  17. Stay the &^%$@#!@$*(&^% course! Phuck yeah, You can do it. Thinking of you all always, and sending lots of love and healing thoughts.

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  18. I am soooo glad your back!!! You go girl with your bad self!! Kick ass and take names later. I'm only hoping for the best for you and your family. Good luck and keep swimin....

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  19. Chin up. Fuck always welcome and well deserved to shout it as loudly as you like. God Bless, continue prayers for you and yours.

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  20. Elisa, even though journey you're on is only one you yourself can walk, I hope you don't feel too alone knowing that lots of people are cheering you on, thinking & praying for you. And I'd say you're allowed to speak however you'd like! You are inspiring.

    Sarah (Michigan)

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  21. So glad to hear from you, Elisa. I continue to check on your status and pray for you and your family each day.

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  22. Cancer is not pretty, this is real Elisa... My sister in law is going through her 3rd chemo side effects this week and I know that you are not exaggerating a bit. This is the reality of chemo and thank you for sharing it with all of us. I continue to pray for your full recovery... you are an amazing woman

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  23. Oh Elisa, I love the word fuck too. So sorry that you have to go through this. I did like your description of a turkey...pretty much says it all. And yes, always happy when you are back no matter what you say! God bless you and continued prayers.

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  24. Elisa. You fucking rock. I love you and your strength. I pray for you even though you don't know me. You are a rock godess.

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  25. So glad to read your update! And don't ever apologize for dropping the F-bomb on us......speaking or myself, I'm a big girl and I can take it! I am a survivor of uterine cancer, three and one-half years so far. I HATE cancer! But I have come to love you and your family. So.....prayers, and loving thoughts, and lots of admiration sent to you from me, in Ohio. My in-laws live in Brooklyn. I've been there to see them three times, and I absolutely love NYC! Hugs to you!

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  26. Elisa, I lost my sister-in-law to ovarian cancer about 6 years ago. She was not only my SIL but my friend. She taught me to see the world through her eyes as she battled this beast for 5 years. She wore a smile on her face EVERY day. Most people have heros like superman or batman....my heros are my SIL and YOU! Even though we are complete strangers I pray for you and your family everyday. Stay strong Elisa!!!!!

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  27. Was just in on a conversation where by we all complained like it was the end of world about seasonal allergies. Then read this from you, what seems to be the punishing winter-that-won't-go-away of your life, at a time when you should be springing eternal with your 3-year old. It's not fair that your ordeal helps put life in perspective. So fuck is right. And shit all over everything, whether you can't help it or you just want to. You are owed that luxury. Just don't give up. Elisa Talks Turkey (both sick and healthy) is needed in this world. Sending you healing thoughts.

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  28. I hope the prayers help. Who knows, right? But can't hurt. You are my hero.

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  29. Good to fucking hear from you Elisa! :) Keeping you and your family in our prayers. <3

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  30. Reading through these comments made me realize just how many people you have touched. You are truly amazing. Keep fighting, Elisa. We are all pulling for you. I hope and pray that you beat this once and for fucking all. You deserve decades upon decades of joy with your sweet Sadie.

    From Indianapolis

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  31. Just glad you are still writing and still fighting the good fight to stay alive. Anything you write is fine by me.

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  32. Elisa...you are such an inspiration and fighter and I know you will beat the shit out this fucking disease before it beats the shit and fuck out of you. Keep going and know that so much healing love and strength and angels are surrounding you. Love you

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  33. One day, many years from now, when you, Nathan and Sadie read this post again, you'll be able to scream, we beat this FUCKING CANCER SHIT to FUCKING PIECES.

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  34. I hear ya! Fuck sometimes is the perfect word especially when you are talking turkey, lol, and you are the turkey. Gotta say we missed you and we just hope for another good day to dawn and more updates on your progress xo

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  35. You are amazing--thank you for sharing your story with us. You have enriched all our lives with your courage, strength, wisdom, & humor. Sending hugs!! xoxo

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  36. "F"...is for the "Fighter" that you are
    "U"...is for all who think of "U"
    "C"...is for the "Courage" that you show
    "K"...is for the "Kick Ass" style you crow !!

    "C"...for the "chemo" that will help you
    "A"...for "another" round or more
    "N"...for "never" giving up
    "C"...for the "Cure" that you will score
    "E"...for "Elisa", your spirit and your spunk
    "R"...for a full "recovery", and I swear,that's no bunk !!!

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  37. Soooo good to get an update and hear your voice! I never stop thinking about you and your family for very long ... and am keeping you in my prayers as you continue to soldier on through all of this shit. Hang in there, Elisa. Love and prayers from Oklahoma.

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  38. Praying for you! I like your writing style :)

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  39. ELISA I think of you often and Pray for you Nightly. Cancer Sucks, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. You're a fighter and a strong one at that. Keep fighting and reaching for the prize at the end, Your Health and being Cancer Free..

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  40. Elisa, you do not know me but I am a feisty Mother fucker of a 40 year experienced RN, mother of 3, cancer survivor right across the river in Joisey. So if you ever need someone to take you for treatments, hold your head or hand you the butt wipes, I am your gal as I have seen/experienced it all! joshenk@aol.com You go girl!!!

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  41. I say with what you and your family have been through you can post whatever you want, people don't have to read it. Keep the up the fight. I'm pulling for you

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  42. It's like my great Grandmother use to say better out than in.. of course she was talking farts. But you know what let out what you need to clear your mind and soul.. After awhile the air will clear and you will feel better for letting it go... So let it rip... we aren't going any where... Love, Denise XOXOXO

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  43. Say what ever the fuck you want Elisa. Who the fuck cares (and if they do they are fucked). This is a fucking rocking blog. I love salty and on the edge. You go girl with your bad ass and kick ass and kick the ass of cancer and anyone that tells you that you cannot say what on your blog? Fuck? Oh yah, fuck them! My favorite word in the world besides "BITCH!"

    "Boys I am taking charge here!" I love that or the better yet ask the morons that worry about the superlatives you use if they are on "stupid pills." Sheese!

    You are the strongest and bravest woman to date I know of - a real warrior and you will kick the fucking ass of cancer and I pray it will never rear its ugly head after you get done beating it down!

    I am praying for you and I believe in you! I know you can do it. We all know you will do it. And did I tell you fuck is my favorite word, I forget sometimes.......

    Love you!!!!! xoxoxo

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  44. You inspire me to appreciate life..I am a fan of the F word but I save it for when I really want to get my point across.. if anyone has issues with that well ..Fuck em!
    Hope you are finding comfort in all those that are praying for you and your family.. Thank you for sharing this journey with us so we may share the so many lessons to be learned!

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  45. Elisa - Thank you. Thank you for sharing your life with strangers. You are an inspiration to so many people you have never met. You have a village of well wishers that would move Heaven and Earth to help you win this fight. We are out here, we think of you and your family, we care about you - you have touched our lives by sharing yours. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are.

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  46. So glad your voice is back full throttle. Damn the censors. Damn the cancer. Fuck them. Fuck it. Go girl. And thank you for using your strength to connect with cyberspace well-wishers. You and your family have captured so many hearts. I hope your feel the force of good wishes.

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  47. Great to see you are feisty and fighting. We are all here fighting for you, praying for you, and giving you lots of remote hugs even though many of us don't know you. While we can't imagine what you are putting up with, I for one, think you are the strongest, bravest, and most inspirational woman I don't really know :). Keep fighting for yourself, for Nathan and for Sadie and know you have a million people rooting for you who don't care what words you use as long as you fight.

    Rooting for you and using the f-word for you on a daily basis!!!!

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  48. I still Think About You Guys Everyday And Am Happy To See A Blog No Matter The Language!!!! Keep Fighting And I Will Keep Praying!!!!! The Last Post By Anonymous Pretty Much Sums It Up ;-)

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  49. Hi Elisa! I saw your post early this morning.... (Well, by now yesterday morning.) Nothing better than waking up to an Elisa post! Thank you so very much for letting all of us know how you are doing..... You're going to be okay.... because you have this whole tribe of people who are holding you up. And I think we all have as our mantra... F*** cancer!!!
    And even though I've never met you... There's not a single person on this earth that I think of more often than you. ---- And because of you... I love my family and friends more than ever... I'm hopefully a better and kinder person... And I'm so grateful for the people in my life. ---- YOU continue to be such an inspiration on how to live life.... And how to battle! ---- Also... I'm thankful for the wonderful people in YOUR life that are helping you and taking care of you. I pray for you and them... I hope you can just soak in the love, respect and just all of our damn insistence that you get well!!!! When you're being driven home from your treatments... Think of the hundreds... (thousands???) of people who are right there are your shoulder giving you strength. I wish for you as peaceful of a week as possible. Karen, Austin, Tx

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  50. You are such an inspiration. My husband and I are both 42 and I am starting chemo today for breast cancer. He is having surgery next week for colan cancer. Your story realy hits home for us! Sending all our good wishes and prayers to you and your family!

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  51. SOOOOOO glad you are still fighting and fiesty. Let 'er rip on the language. Those of us who follow your blog are glad you're back. You are an amazing survivor and I admire you so much. Hope Nathan is feeling good.
    Following you from Springfield, IL

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  52. So many of the posters above have said the same things I have thought - we know this is real and that you are fighting for your life. We don't expect you to try and make us feel better. We're here to try and make you feel better in whatever way we can through this medium. You don't have to post for us Elisa. We're here no matter whether we hear from you or not. We're still praying and pulling and pushing for you, even when you may feel like giving up. You are fighting for yourself and we're fighting with you. You don't need to hold us up. We need to hold you up. <3

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  53. Welcome back. You were missed and thought of often. My wish will be an easy one "I wish you make it to the bathroom every time."
    Think of you often.

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  54. FCUK! We are ALL rooting for you, so hang on in there!! You can bet your ass that we are happy to have you back!!!! Feisty and ready for the battle. You are NOT a quitter and we are mighty damned proud of you! Sending you oodles of LUCK and TONS of prayers and good vibes your way

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  55. Elisa,

    Thrilled to 'hear' your voice again. You totally rock. You inspire me and so many others to live each second to its fullest. Thanks for checking in to let us all know that you continue to kick cancer's f'ing ass every day.
    Hugs and prayers from Montreal, Canada. xxx

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  56. It feels like such a gift when I check back to your blog every so often and there is a new post. Thank you! And girlfriend, you go right ahead and say fuck as many times as you want to. You have earned every cuss word written down and should wear them like medals on your chest. You are a soldier in battle and I don't think anyone would (or should) judge someone's language as they are going off to war.

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  57. My fellow battler----
    You fill my heart so full with your beauty, your honesty and your words. Your life is such a gift to us all. As for "fuck"ing.....I'm appalled that someone could read your inspiring words about your life and your love and your incredibly tough but beautiful journey and come away from it with the thought "I really need to tell that gal that she shouldn't be Cursing on her own personal blog". HUHNNN?!?!?! They should be ashamed of themselves for even thinking such a moronic thought as that. And they should be drawn and quartered for having the gall to TELL you that you shouldn't curse! Are they people who've had cancer? I'll tell you what, Judgey McJudgersteins, live with late-stage cancer for a year, don't ever think or say a bad word, THEN come tell me I shouldn't be cursing!!! I hope that was your response to those neanderthals. My mother, who is not a big swear word user, despite having a daughter who, due to medical neglect, is dealing with metastatic cervical cancer at age 36 has said the following wise words to me: "a person who drops a can of soup out of the pantry and onto their toe and says 'oh darnit' should not be trusted. That's just not normal. Some situations call for cursing ONLY-----nothing else would be appropriate." Hahhahaa. My Moose.....love her so. Me.....I curse like a sailor....and even more so now that I have VBC (very bad cancer). And I don't apologize for it. Ever. And if anyone wants to tell me my message is being lost because of the swear words I use, I would invite them to try my life for 10 minutes and then say that again to me.
    You're doing EVERYTHING RIGHT Elisa! Not just because you're doing what feels right to you (always the best way to go), but because you're giving your heart and life to us all so lovingly!!!
    Love to you, beautiful heart.
    Keep fighting for FUCK'S sake!!
    -Sue Scott (Nate's fellow Blair alum!)

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  58. Hey, whatever works. Always good to see a post from you, though. I think you're giving some people hope. You didn't ask for this mission, but you are accomplishing something good despite the crappy road you've had to travel. Pardon the tacky cliche, but... You Go Girl.

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  59. Good for you!! Let it out!! It's your ordeal and we are here to support you. You say what needs to be said and we will listen:) Hope you are feeling better soon. MOre importantly, I hope that the treatment does what it should.

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  60. wow wee x1000-- I have that first published newspaper article which I read in a coffee shop while visiting NYC a few years ago. ( Don't think I paid for that paper- shoot me now)I follow your blog faithfully. I have watched the Lean on Me video too many times to tell. You will continue to be right at the fore front of my prayers~~ Keep going. All will work out~~

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  61. i have followed your blog since i first saw you and nathan on the today show. you are amazing and my prayers are continually with you and your family.
    keep up the fight!!

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  62. I am glad you are back and glad you continue to fight and to let us witness the reality of cancer in real life. Many prayers.

    Diane C

    www.loveinthetimeofcancer.blogspot.com

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