Today was Today

WOW!  HOLY SHIT!  AH-MAZING!  WHOOP WHOOP (air fist pump and roll)!

These are the exclamations of only a few of the countless messages we have received today regarding our appearance on the Today Show this morning.  Okay, maybe not the whoop whoop, but do it and tell me it doesn't make you laugh if only on the inside.

Nathan and I are once again overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled by the kindness and support you have all sent us today.  Whether it was a Facebook message, blog comment, email, text or voicemail, your heartfelt "voices" (ah...the digital world) has lifted our spirits even higher.  Actually, we did have face time with actual human beings live and in person.

Nathan definitely had the most unexpected interaction.  After the show, he headed directly to Sloan-Kettering for his pre-surgical appointments.  When he walked in, Nick, the happiest man in the world and greeter at the cancer center, gave him a huge hug and congratulated him.  Apparently, the Today Show had been on the television in the downstairs lobby.  Patients and caregivers were watching and, according to Nick,  many of them were whispering to one another that they thought they had seen him (Nathan) at Sloan.  Tears streamed down their faces as they exchanged expressions of joy and hope.  As for Sadie and me, it was an extra special welcome with many warm embraces and congratulations when we arrived at her school's holiday party. What a truly magical day!  Again, we thank you.

Many of the messages we received have been stories of triumphant battles against cancer.  Unfortunately, there have been others for whom the battle continues and are looking for my "secret to success."  I must remind everyone that this is a moment of celebration but we continue to keep our eyes on the prize.  My battle also continues.  This is as "successful" as I can be at this particular moment in time.  My doctors are thrilled, however, they aren't slapping me on the back and sending me off in to the sunset.  We/they are just relieved that the news of the recent metastasis to the brain will not be the final chapter of my story.

So why this sudden plot twist?  If I could answer that, I would also have the answer as to why Nathan and I received dual diagnoses of cancer within less than two weeks of one another.  I mean WTF!  Let's not forget the past year of multiple WTFs.  I have done everything in my power to beat the shit out of this unwelcome guest in my body and that must have made a difference. I was lucky enough to have had access to the best doctors and nurses at NYU, a world-class institution.  I took hardcore anti-cancer drugs.  I had acupuncture.  I had therapy sessions with my social worker and psychiatrist.  I took anti-depressants.  I did yoga.  I received Reiki.  I worked with intuitive healers.  I ate well.  I meditated. I prayed.  I laughed as often as possible...thank you very much Modern Family.  I learned to rest.  I learned to depend on others. I looked into Nathan and Sadie's eyes everyday. And, I allowed myself to humbly accept more love and goodwill into my heart and soul than I thought possible for any human being.  Nathan did much of the same.  I will continue to do all of the above.

I realize there are folks who do or have done all of the above but not achieved the results they hoped or are hoping for and I don't know why.  Is it a cop out to say shit happens?  I can honestly tell you that's exactly what I said to myself at the beginning of this journey.  I never asked, why us?  I wondered, how us?  How was this happening to my husband?  How was it happening to me?  How could it possibly be happening to both of us at the same time?  The only answer I could come up with was...shit happens or... it's a shit show or...what a shit storm or...the shit's hit the fan or my personal favorite... fuck, fuck, this is fucking bullshit. Have I made my point?  I don't have a damn clue as to the why but cursing makes me feel better. Try it, you might like it.

We've established I don't know shit but are there any words of encouragement I can impart?  Probably but I am sure you have heard them all before and they sound trite.  Yes, there may be truth to them but how often can you hear, "Just stay positive" before simultaneously rolling your eyes and sticking your fingers down your throat.

My eyes are beginning to shut and today has now become tomorrow.  I will sign off, crash and hope that the answers come to me in my dreams.

Good night and good luck!