Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Sadie's graduation
Sadie's graduation from pre-k was one of the most amazing, joyful and painful days since Elisa passed away. It was a beautiful sunny day. A day that is the marker of one of the first steps of achievement in Sadie's educational life- yes I know it isn't college graduation yet you certainly wouldn't know that from how proud I felt watching her stand and sign songs and get her little diploma! But it was a day that Elisa had fought so hard to see for herself, in this world, one that she talked to me about not wanting to miss and fearing she might. Those were rare moments for her- when she was not 100% certain of her beating cancer, so I know they were the things she would miss most.
Walking into the school that morning I was overwhelmed with memories of our first day visiting the school and our excitement and joy at what a wonderful energy and environment Sadie would be getting to experience. I remembered the first day of school for Sadie there, and Elisa, Sadie and me taking pictures with Aunt Betsy in the beautiful grounds. Sadie and E playing in the little plastic play house together. Beautiful happy memories. I then had to excuse myself and went outside to weep uncontrollably for ten minutes because now those beautiful memories are tied forever with another memory. Luckily this hit me before the ceremony started and I didn't miss any of it.
Losing Elisa is not an experience I would ever have wanted of course, any loss of love is not one that anybody would choose. But to deny the experience by masking, repressing or ignoring the pain and hurt would be to also lose the growth and insight of that experience no matter how painful. Our most painful experinces help form our recognition, appreciation and fulfillment of our most pleasurable , beautiful and rewarding experinces. It is just like how you can sudden really feel what it is to have normal health after a bad cold or the flu- the relief and energy that you have the majority of our days that goes unappreciated. This is how I am trying to frame the crushing sorrow and pain I feel often. To keep this idea in my mind and allow myself to really feel the loss, the depression the fear of having lost the love of my life. I think that to not experience this would be to also let the beauty of our life that we had shine a little less brightly. The two are linked forever- the having and the having had. I don't believe you can block one out without casting a shadow on the other.
Live, Love
Nathan
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Beautifully written Nathan.
ReplyDeleteHi Guys….I just want to say a big thanks to ( Dr Ogbe ) for what he has done for me and my family by helping me to win lottery. I won Five Hundred and Thirty Three Million Us Dollars. (($533,000,000.00)). His lottery spell is the best and so amazing. My life is now balance and i am Now Very Rich As i have always wanted and i am out of doubt. Are you looking for a real and genuine spell caster to help you win big in any kind of lottery you play? you can contact DrOgbe , today all your plan to ever win Big in Lottery will Come True and work out well for you. His spell very real and genuine i can not still believe it And His spell also work very fast. Thank you so much Dr Ogbe for dedicating your time to cast the Lottery spell for me. I got my bills paid and my debt cleared and am still mega rich. If you need a real And Genuine spell caster to help you Win lottery,kindly contact him for fast and urgent Help Email: drogbeherbalcure5@gmail.com whatsapp numbers +2347063915230THANK YOU FOR READING
DeleteI will start by saying to all that have COPD or Emphysema should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to get your CURE. I had Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for 15 years, My first symptoms were dry cough, chest tightness and shortness of breath. My first chest x-ray only showed bronchitis. Finally I went to a pulmonologist and was diagnosed with COPD, Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of General Herbal Center, that helped me get read of myCOPD/Emphysema that i have had for about 17years now, with no cure. After seeing a post of a Zom Sanchez from US on the Internet teying of how she was cured by Native Herbal Clinic prescribed remstifedies . I also decided to contact then for a cure and i purchased the medicine , because all i wanted was for me to get totally cure and to be free of it all my life. i Am happy today that they helped me and the remedies worked and i can proudly say that i am free from COPD and i am cured completely
Deleteits not worst thing to have COPD/EMPHYSEMA as a begin,you can reach Native Herbal Clinic:(nativehealthclinic@gmail.com or whatsapp +2348140073956
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DeleteSo beautiful, Nathan...and I think it's extraordinary and brave that you can express yourself so freely. It's a wonderful gift, and never lose it. I can't imagine what you are experiencing right now, but please know that you are surrounded by love. Things will eventually get better...it's a healing process, and you have wonderful family, friends and a beautiful daughter to help you through it. Congratulations to Sadie on her graduation. I'm sure Elisa was there in spirit. xo.
ReplyDeleteNathan, I'm so sorry for yours and Sadie's loss. How beautifully and generously you and Elisa shared simple yet profound lessons of love, life, hope, and family over the past few years.
ReplyDeleteAs a mother, I can tell you, without a doubt, that the lack of working body would never stop a mother from witnessing a milestone in her child's life. Maternal loves transcends the physical, and I know that you and Elisa love your little girl beyond words.
I pray and trust that Sadie will grow up knowing how much she is loved, and will forever feel her mother gently guiding her. I continue to pray for your family's healing through this immensely difficult period.
This is such a lovely tribute to Elisa and is so beautifully written. I wont say you are brave because there is no choice in the situation that you and Sadie are in but it takes strength of character to face these milestones with the grace that you have. God bless you both.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss and the fact that you will have a part of your wife with you through your daughter is lovely. How is your health?
ReplyDeleteI have composed comments over and over and they all fell short. All I can say is thank you. You and Elisa and Sadie are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteWords to live by, that's for sure Nathan. You are an inspiration. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteBut Nathan, Elisa didn't miss this life event. Even though she wasn't there in body, she was there in spirit. I have no doubt that she is watching you both from heaven and is incredibly proud of both you and Sadie.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
ReplyDeleteBy chance I wandered back. So happy I did.
ReplyDeleteThe line that you wrote about how the pain that we experience helps form our recognition... is so beautiful and true. You are honoring your daughter and Elissa by continuing to stay in the moment and dealing with your grief as it comes. Your daughter is lucky to have such an insightful father and someone who will help guide her through the waves of life. Your immediate pain will be greater, but your future happiness will be informed by this pain and therefore intensified and cherished. Keep writing in the meantime Nathan-- it might help?
ReplyDeleteHeart is heavy for you all. Elisa wanted to be there IN PERSON...I won't even try to imagine how hard it is.
ReplyDeleteDear Nathan... Thinking of you and Sadie...always...and praying for your peace in the days ahead. You are a wonderful father.... Elisa married a wonderful man when she married you!!! I'd be so proud to have you as the father of my granddaughter..... You're strength is compelling... You will be ok... Sadie will be ok.. You have the love of an angel watching over you! And so many friends, known and unknown, constantly thinking of you! Bless you, Nathan. Thank you, too, for the thoughtfulness of writing and letting us know how you and Sadie are doing. I'd think Elisa would be very happy that you're keeping us informed... Especially up to date re Sadie.... It was a blog about Sadie to begin with, after all, right? Can't wait to hear about her first day in kindergarten! Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting. Please keep doing it if it feels right. Know that there are people like me across the country in Los Angeles who think about your family and wonder how you and Sadie are doing. I hadn't checked in for a few months, but I thought of you all today, because I was at Disneyland today with my family and recalled your trip with Elisa there towards the end. I had not known she passed away, but, sadly, I am not surprised, as it seemed to be getting pretty unbearable for her to continue to live. Fucking Cancer. I am so sorry. I am happy that you are doing well and that Sadie is processing with the enviable resilience of kids. I hope that you can feel held in some way by an invisible community, because you - and Sadie- and Elisa- are held by so many in our hearts. Peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update. I hope these also help you in your process of carrying on after Elisa's death. Each of us have to deal with loss and live on and you have beautiful Sadie to help you through it. Congratulations to her on this first big step. Each one is a big one, and to be enjoyed and treasured. Have been following you and your family's experience from France and wishing you peace, love and life as you move through life and this painful loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful writer.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Sadie on her first milestone. God bless you Nathan and give you peace and strength.
ReplyDeleteYour family is an inspiration. We will all face difficult times.Hope we can remember your and Elisa's dignity in your journey.
Nathan, you simply amaze me - congrats to Sadie on her graduation. Have you considered putting this journey with Elisa and Sadie into a book or short story - you certainly have the writing skills to do so. God Bless you and keep you and Sadie in his ever-loving arms.
ReplyDeleteSo lovingly written.
ReplyDeleteHi there, I'm Lindsey! I have a question and would love to talk more, please email me when you have a chance, thanks!! lindseyDOTcaldwellATrecallcenterDOTcom
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with all the above comments, keep writing. I've been fighting Esophogeal cancer for the past year and writing has greatly helped - sort of a vent I guess and a history of events. Ya can probably tell that I compose similar to yourself. All the best to you,Sadie and your families.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and Sadie. Hope the new year starts well for her.
ReplyDeletePlease keep writing.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and Sadie. I hope she has a wonderful Christmas and that GoGosends angels to watch over you both! God bless you both!
ReplyDeleteSorry ad spelling on phone. GOD not GoGo --ugh my bad....
ReplyDeleteI thought of Elisa and your family today. I found myself on your blog and saw that it's been exactly one year since you last posted, at least here anyway :-) I just wanted you to know that the Bond family is loved and thought of on a daily basis, even by strangers. Love and light to you all!
ReplyDeleteNathan, Thanks so much for sharing. Your words are helping me to process the grief, deep sorrow, anguish and anger of my own loss. The loss of the Love of my lifetime(s). I am still working through the bitterness and resentment, which I own .....but also my guilt.....because I know that ........ I need to move on, to love again and it hurts. I am kind of torn between my guilt, as I promised a very long time ago that I would always be loyal no matter what and that seems to be at odds with the thought that, I need to Love myself more than I love anyone else, and I do need to Love again....soon.. here in the physical realm. It is painful for me to hang on and it is equally painful to let go ( like that scene from Titanic where Rose has to let go of Jack's hand to survive) but I am ready, I deserve it, but am so dissapointed? With myself at the same time. I was perusing the internet today and found this blog and I am so glad that I did. The wonderfully wacky way this Unified Field works. I will keep you, Sadie, Elisa. and your families & loved ones in my highest thoughts. Thank You, Liz
ReplyDeleteI stumbled on this post yesterday (exactly 3 years from its posting date- June 10, 2017) and I somehow don't think it was accidental that it popped up first in my Google search. I hope that you and Sadie are flourishing despite your grief. Your story has touched me deeply years later. Sending lots of love your way.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sarah (above) - your story, your life and Elisa's has touched me so very much. Wishing much happiness for your sweet Sadie and you. The sun is a wonderful reminder that she's always shining down on you.
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My boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant. I have cried myself to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again. Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes, my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy, he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along. He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change. I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with. I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe. He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy, he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.
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It was during my research on HIV/Herpes that I stumbled upon the Hiv/Herpes information; information which is quite easy to find when doing a search for STD on google. I was into conspiracy at the time thought of HIV/Herpes Cured' being a conspiracy was something Ignorance though,I found pretty interesting about herbal medicine. I asked questions about the Herbal cure's on official HIV/Herpes websites and I was banned for doing so by moderators who told me that I was parroting Hiv/Herpes propaganda. This reinforced my belief that there is a cure for Hiv/Herpes Then i found a lady from germany name Achima Abelard Dr Itua Cure her Hiv so I send him a mail about my situation then talk more about it and send me his herbal medicine I drank for two weeks.And today I'm Cured no Hiv/Herpes in my life,I searched for Hiv/Herpes groups to attempt to make contact with people in order to learn more about Hiv/Herpes Herbal Cure's I believed at this time that you with the same disease this information is helpful to you and I wanted to do the best I could to spread this information in the hopes of helping other people.That Dr Itua cure Hiv,Herpes,Hepatitis,Diabetes,Copd,Fibroid,Als, And Cancer. He's a herbal doctor with a unique heart of God, Contact Emal..drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Phone or whatsapp..+2348149277967.
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ReplyDeleteI’m so excited! Thanks to Dr. Ahmed for bringing back my Ex-husband and brought great joy to me today! Ahmedutimate@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online, if you need your Ex lover back fast! And his result is 100% guarantee….
After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pain that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. Every day and night I think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 18 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pains he caused me and the kids. Then from that day, our Marriage was now stronger than how it was before, all thanks to Dr Ahmed he is so powerful and I decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Ahmed real and powerful spell caster who I will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact:
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ReplyDeleteHi Guys….I just want to say a big thanks to ( Dr Ogbe ) for what he has done for me and my family by helping me to win lottery. I won Five Hundred and Thirty Three Million Us Dollars. (($533,000,000.00)). His lottery spell is the best and so amazing. My life is now balance and i am Now Very Rich As i have always wanted and i am out of doubt. Are you looking for a real and genuine spell caster to help you win big in any kind of lottery you play? you can contact DrOgbe , today all your plan to ever win Big in Lottery will Come True and work out well for you. His spell very real and genuine i can not still believe it And His spell also work very fast. Thank you so much Dr Ogbe for dedicating your time to cast the Lottery spell for me. I got my bills paid and my debt cleared and am still mega rich. If you need a real And Genuine spell caster to help you Win lottery,kindly contact him for fast and urgent Help Email: drogbeherbalcure5@gmail.com whatsapp numbers +2347063915230THANK YOU FOR READING
ReplyDeleteKlingt wirklich klasse, herzlichen Glückwunsch euch.Wir haben den Abschluss meiner Tochter dieses Jahr im Urlaub in Schenna gefeiert.War einfach überragend.LG Maren
ReplyDeleteI will start by saying to all that have COPD or Emphysema should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to get your CURE. I had Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for 15 years, My first symptoms were dry cough, chest tightness and shortness of breath. My first chest x-ray only showed bronchitis. Finally I went to a pulmonologist and was diagnosed with COPD, Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of General Herbal Center, that helped me get read of myCOPD/Emphysema that i have had for about 17years now, with no cure. After seeing a post of a Zom Sanchez from US on the Internet teying of how she was cured by Native Herbal Clinic prescribed remstifedies . I also decided to contact then for a cure and i purchased the medicine , because all i wanted was for me to get totally cure and to be free of it all my life. i Am happy today that they helped me and the remedies worked and i can proudly say that i am free from COPD and i am cured completely
ReplyDeleteits not worst thing to have COPD/EMPHYSEMA as a begin,you can reach Native Herbal Clinic:(nativehealthclinic@gmail.com or whatsapp +2348140073956
Hey everyone!!!
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I find something in herbal medicine good to share on here with anyone suffering from the disease such as HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis or Chronic Lyme Disease,Parkinson's disease,Schizophrenia,Lung Cancer,Breast Cancer,Colo-Rectal Cancer,Blood Cancer,Prostate Cancer,siva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic small-round-cell tumor Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone ToxicitySyndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresS sclerosis,Seizures,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic diseases.Hiv_ Aids,Herpe ,Copd,Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,
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Lupus as well.Dr Itua herbal made cure my HIV and gave me hope that he can cure all types of diseases I believed him) I do the best of myself that I can do, I went for a program in west Africa about fashion on another side I was HIV positive. I walk through a nearby village for our program schedule then I found a signage notice that says Dr Itua Herbal Center then I asked my colleagues what all about this very man called Dr Itua, She told me that he's a herbal doctor and he can cure all kind of disease i walked to him and explain myself to him as I'm a strangler out there he prepared me herbal medicine and told me how to drink it for two weeks, when I get to my hotel room I take a look at it then says a prayer before I drank it not knowing after two weeks I went to test and I found out I was negative I ran to him to pay him more but he refuses and says I should share his works for me around the globe so sick people can see as well. I'm writing a lot about him this season so that is how I was cured by drinking Dr Itua herbal medicine, He's A caring man with a godly heart. Well - everything I decided all went through for me and how you're going to treat this new aspect to your life. You don't have to suffer alone, and it's okay to ask for help. It also doesn't have to be a constant demon, as you'll get to know your body and yourself in a much deeper way than most people. Take advantage of this, as it will help you appreciate Africa Herbal Made.
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I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again,and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening,as i was coming back from work,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina@gmai l.com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina@ gmail. com or call/whatsapp +2348139182295
ReplyDeleteprophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as:
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