Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Finding Fear

Many of you have been wondering where I've been, AGAIN.  Well, if God said to rest on the seventh day, I blame the whole brain radiation for making me think every day in September was a Sunday.  I must be the holiest woman in the world right now.  I write that and think, "How dare I use scripture in such an irreverent way?"

I write it and I "find my fear." This is how describe Sadie on the playground lately. A year ago we were expecting a hurricane-like event in the city.  Mayor Bloomberg warned the streets would be flooded and mass transit would be a mess for days. So my dear friend, Amanda, invited us to join her and her family to her parents' home in Jersey to weather (bad pun intended) the storm.  In their backyard, they have an old-school jungle gym.  It's made of thick rectangle beams, sturdy as they day they were bought, which had to be over 30 years ago.  It's the real deal because it actually has a see-saw/teeter-tot.  Good luck finding one of those these days.

That weekend Sadie was about two years old.  She climbed up the loose chain ladder with speed and agility.  She walked on a high beam.  She had perfect balance, unbelievable strength and demonstrated "NO FEAR!"  Everyone there was stunned.  Of course, I was like a peacock, walking around a little taller and that's saying something for someone one who is 5'2".  A year later, she has "found her fear."  She still has the strength and agility to climb the chain ladder but she gets nervous at the top where she must take that last step.  She realizes now that if she falls it will hurt.  She is aware of the consequences of her actions.  She treads lightly now or asks for help when I know, and deep inside she knows, she can do it on her own.

At the beginning of this year, I received two correspondences each castigating me for my use of foul language.  One of them was particularly strident while the other had more of a tone for dialogue about my usage of profanity.  At 37, I had never been addressed in such a manner.  I held on to the pain and anger for a long time. It shut me up and essentially shut the blog down.  I was afraid to use my voice (which has always included swear words) lest I offend someone who was praying for me, sending me love, etc.  Finally, through my own prayer and mediation, I found a way to forgive.  I confronted those who had injured me. They were nothing but apologetic and truly sorry for hurting me.  There was peace in my heart. Or so I thought

Within weeks more anger bubbled up, but it wasn't directed at them.  As I searched my soul, I knew in many ways I agreed with them.  Words do matter.  Words have a vibration.  Words have an intention.  Words can harm or heal.  But believe me, my words have never had the intention of injuring anyone, especially not my readers. 

My words, be they profane or not, are the few things I have in my arsenal to fight and free myself from this relentless disease.  C'mon. Give a girl a break.  When someone says, "shut the front door," we all know what that is code for so why not just say the damn phrase.

I am still mulling over this debate in my head.  I have a feeling there are more f-bombs to be dropped and hecks to haggle over.   Remember, this is my place to blow off steam, not just give medical updates. So, I hope you will reserve judgment no matter how it plays out and continue to send me and my family your prayers, meditations and vibes.

Peacefully,
Elisa




220 comments:

  1. I feel that you should express yourself the way you always have, the hell with what someone else thinks. If they don't like what you say, they can stop reading...simple as that.

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    1. I so enjoy every word you write Elisa. Please keep writing and teaching us what it is like to be in your position in case we find ourselves in the same some day. I love your sense of humour and your courage. My love overflows for you and your family.

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  2. I agree completely! Your language is your own and i have control over whether i choose to read your blog, or not. What people should really find offensive are the struggles you, and too many others to name, are having with medical care and coverage in this country! Now that's offensive!
    Always, always prayers and healing are sent to you.

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  3. It's your blog, and you can say whatever you damn well please. Sometimes, those words are the only ones that can really express your fear, anger, hurt, whatever. You can't scream on a blog, but you can sure use 'words'. While we still have free speech...go ahead and use it girl...I'm still praying for you no matter what.

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  4. Those that are so easily offended by your words can get the fuck off! For real. I bet they would be cussing like mad if they were in your situation. I find your ocassional profanity very awesome and it is always with good placement. Seriously, those that mind swearing should go read a children blog or something like that.

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    1. How dare ANYONE say anything about how you choose your words on YOUR blog! Continue to do what helps you Elisa. I think all your posts are beautifully addressed and I'm sure it is great therapy for you! Sending you and your family prayers and best wishes! <3

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  5. eff em. say what is in your heart and mind. it is soul clearing.

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  6. I love and appreciate all your words, and my support for you and your family in completely unconditional.

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    1. I second that sentiment exactly! Ditto from me!

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  7. If anyone doesn't like your language, here is a simple tip: DON'T READ IT.

    I am stunned that some people have the audacity to tell you how to write on your blog. Live and let live. You are not a child! You are kidding, right? I just cannot belive it.

    I hope you still find this is a safe space to express yourself. I will listen with my heart.
    Your family has touched me deeply with your love and devotion to one another. That is clear when I read your and Nate's words.

    Perhaps you should consider switching to a password-protected blog like caringbridge or carepages. That may help weed out those you would rather not drop in.

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  8. Elisa, Firstly, I am so happy to hear your great news regarding the latest MRI. I haven't posted here before because....sheesh, I don't really know why. You, Nathan, and Sadie have certainly been in my prayers.

    I run a message board for people with a chronic and sometimes fatal disease and have some of the same issues with people objecting to language used, religious thoughts, politics, etc., etc. My bottom line has been that if something offends you, don't continue reading it. I have one rule on my board and that is everyone must be kind to all who chose to post there. Personally, I think you have the right to vent, curse, cry and express yourself however it helps YOU. The fact that you are sharing your life so openly with the rest of us is a gift. My mom taught me always to say thank you for all gifts whether we like them or not.

    Continued prayers and well wishes for your amazing family.

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  9. God knows your heart, God knows your pain, God loves you more than you could ever believe to be possible. Your words don't matter . . . God loves you, always has and always will. This is the truth.

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  10. F*&K cancer! There I said it, too! With all my heart and no apologies to anyone.

    I plan on saying it everyday; it's my new mantra.

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  11. It does hurt when someones says something about how/what you write, but considering what your going through, you should be able to spill your heart out anyway you want on your blog. They don't have to read it if it offends them. Remember freedom of speech! I too in my daily use of words, cuss often. I am known to my closest friends and family to use the term: "who gives a flyin' F#*k about...." Please use this term whenever anger or necessity arise. No one but you are going through your illness, anger, sadness and everything else that you are feeling. Speak your mind girl!!!!

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  12. I read of a recent study that said that letting go an expletive at a time of pain actually releases chemicals within the body that reduce the amount of pain we feel. After everything you've endured, fire away. No need to edit for my ears, sister. I wish you all nothing but the best.
    Betsy

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  13. I couldn't agree more. I hate that I use swear words, but sometimes can't imagine trying to get my point across without them. Especially in agreeance with the inuendo (?) of shut the front door, fudge, what the hey, and so on. I often found myself thinking that when people say those things. I know what you mean/want to say, why not just say it (or not, if you're not the swearing type) and quit making yourself look silly.

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  14. It's lovely to hear from you again. As to swearing, well, really, what an absurd thing to nag you about! I'd direct them to Stephen Fry on the Joys of Swearing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM&noredirect=1
    As you'd expect, it's very funny, very erudite and well, very sweary. We can't all go through the cancer 'journey (making my own as we speak) like plaster saints. Some days saying 'Cancer: f*** you' is as good as it gets. It's childish and precious to deny someone that...
    All peace and all love!

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  15. Like John Mayer's song ...SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY!! If others don't like it, they don't belong on this blog nor do they need to read it! Thanks for your inspiration. Keep writing!
    Emily (the girl you met at NYU a few months ago in waiting room) xoxo

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  16. Tough shit for the people who don't like your language. This is YOUR blog. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it.

    Keep doing what you do. Don't try to make everyone else happy, it's an effort in futility.

    Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

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  17. Elisa, say the fuck what you want when you want to. You are fighting for your life and if it works to say fuck, shit, crap, bitch or any other word say it LOUD and PROUD.
    I am so happy you are healing and destroying the cancer in your body and brain. Fuck Yes. You go girl.

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  18. Say wha??? Do these people not watch TV or movies? Unless they're watching G-rated programming, swear words exist. Even my three year old lets out the occasional "Damnit!" Ok, ok... I'm working on that one. But please. Say whatever the fuck you want and apologize to no one. As always, thinking of you, Nathan, Sadie, and hoping you are doing (and feeling!) well.

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  19. Seriously . . . it really shocks me that anyone reading this blog would think it is important to criticize your choice of words. In the scheme of things, a few curse words seem pretty fucking irrelevant. It pisses me off that someone would do anything to make your life MORE difficult/sad/stressful. Those people are insensitive fuckers :-)Happy to see you keep on keeping on!

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  20. Your thoughts, feelings and words belong to you as does your right to set up your own forum to share those thoughts, feelings and words with other people. Yes, words can vibrate, they can hurt and they can heal. There is no question that words are powerful, which is precisely why other people should not try to edit what is in your brain, your heart or at the tip of your tongue...

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  21. I pray for you every day and love every word you write!!! Keep blogging and curse away!

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  22. What the fuck?
    Seriously.
    The F word is such a release for me.
    I use it everyday.
    I dont really care what others think because if they gave me the release I would not need the F word.
    Of all the shit you and your family are going thorugh I am happy your F words can give you some release.
    You are who you are don't you dare apologize or feel you have to explain yourself.
    Shame on them. This is your experiance... your blog. Everytime we readers open YOUR page it is OUR choice.
    The GOD I know would never smile upon a person who hurts a critizes another person on purpose.
    Shame on them!!!

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  23. Tell them to kiss your ass and write whatever you please! It's YOUR blog...they don't have to read if they find it so offensive!

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  24. Fuck 'em! 15 years out from stage IV metastic melanoma, I can say/write whatever I want and so can you!

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  25. There's a time and a place for everything. If, with all the challenges you're dealing with, you choose to drop F-bombs all over the place, that's up to you. I can't imagine not swearing up one side and down the other. If someone is offended, they have a choice to read another blog. If they love you and are offended, then they need to relax and remember to love you more.

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  26. If I were you, I wouldn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought. You have every right to blow off steam, vent or cyber yell in any friggin' way you want. It's your blog and if no one likes it, hell then they can change the damn channel. All I care about is updates and your enduring spirit that keeps it all going. You and your family remain amazing in my eyes! :)Chrisie

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  27. I can't think of a person, or a family, who I imagine cherishes every moment more than you do. Screw anyone who tells you how to spend that precious time, or how to express yourself while living it. I have remembered your family in my prayers daily since I first heard the story of your remarkable journey. Healing thoughts from our home to yours.

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  28. WOW. I am amazed that anyone has the huge brass balls to complain about the use of your language. First of all, no one is making their stupid eyes read your blog. Second, there is this thing called the 1st Fucking Amendment. Third, are we all five years old?

    You of all people have the inalienable right to publish a post that only says "fuckity fuck" in 48 size point, bright red.

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  29. You are an amazing picture of strength. The fact that you curse as little as you do is astounding. I am in absolute shock that not one, but two separate people would have the balls to tell you that you need to watch your language. F' them. This is your fight and you are couragous enough to let us all in and support you on your journey. Never, ever let anyone tell you that your way of expressing yourself is wrong. Never. You are strong. You are amazing. You are beyond awe-inspiring. Say whatever you want, however you want. You will ALWAYS have my support. I wish you nothing but the best, now and forever.

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  30. Please continue sharing. Everyone deals with adversity differently. If the worst thing you have done is drop the f-bomb you are doing great! You will never please everyone. Please yourself and your loved ones. You should feel proud of how you have lived with cancer, helped your husband, and raised your daughter...there should be no shame or fear in what you are doing. Enjoy life! Debi the Steeler fan

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  32. What the fuck is wrong with people? I am truly offended that anyone would take the time to write to you about being offended by language in your blog that is their personal choice to read. Why not spend that time volunteering or donating to a cancer-related organization? Fuck em'! And stay strong! :)

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  33. You have a real gift for writing, Elisa. (And your life partner acquits himself not too shabbily in that department, too. You're an awesome blogging team!).

    Since you've chosen again and again to share that gift with us through your blog, it pains and perplexes me to think that anyone has taken issue with the self (and indeed the many selves - mom, wife, artist, patient) that you've projected here.

    One thing I admire about your writing - in addition to your grace and humor under fire - is your subtle responsiveness to the stories that we commonly tell about cancer.

    We're all familiar with the stereotype of the cancer patient as heroic, stoic, and noble. Maybe that image is easy pray for, if we think of prayer as putting on your Sunday best, folding your hands, and not kicking the back of the pew in front of you.

    You're kicking the pew, Elisa, as do organizations like Cancer Sucks. Would any one of us choose to be a saint with cancer, or a sinner without?

    Relatedly, you noted in an earlier post that your story doesn't really fit into the neat, inspiring format of the Today show vignette. If someone undertook to make you feel that your very own blog can't or shouldn't accommodate the messiness of your story - and the full range of your voice - they clearly did not for a moment consider the power of words.

    They refused to imagine the power of their words to hurt, or the power of your words to heal.

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  35. Sweetie... It's your voice... use it as YOU see fit. No one is forced to read your blog...and anyone who lacks compassion, empathy and love, and thus stops praying for you...well, it's a good bet those prayers wouldn't count anyway. We are here to support and listen... to YOUR voice, which we all find so moving. And, we pray, and pray and pray some more.
    Love you, Rose Ann Scamardella

    October 17, 2012 10:26 PM

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  36. This is your playground and if they don't like it, they can leave - NOT complain. And if someone who prays for you might stop because you offended them while you are going through a TRAUMATIC experience so your words/thoughts aren't always pretty and polished... well I can't believe that their sympathy is genuine as they aren't following what we are told so many times, to "judge not, lest you be judged." Who am I to judge you - as Christian I will understand that my place is to offer you sympathy, encouragement, and prayers. God bless you.

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  37. This blog spot is about YOU and YOUR healing journey through cancer-no one else and I for one and very grateful you have allowed me, a total stranger to tag along silently-If you want to drop F bombs then do it! Keep it real girl-if readers don't like it too bad this blog spot is NOT about them and their sensabilities- I say move on nay sayers- as a christian supporter of your family my role is to offer prayers of support for you and your family-not judgement or unsolicited opinions and advice-May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family-praying for healing-peace and longevity.

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  38. I'm sorry that happened to you....words do matter don't they, and maybe the person(s) who wrote you such reprimands should think about what their words can do as well. Goes both ways!

    Now, glad to hear the good news on the scans. I loved the beautiful pictures on Facebook a while back as well.

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  39. I meant to add on the comment at 11:15...that if this blog seriously offended anyone so much that they are clutching their pearls and writing you a note about it, they need to get off the internet. They are too delicate flowers for this world, how do they even walk around in it? Seriously? Geesh!

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  40. i am awestruck that you were gracious and humble enough to even consider the issue raised about how you express yourself in your blog. yes, words do matter. and every word you have ever written to tell your story has been what it should be - YOUR WORDS. please, please do not change one iota of your style, your own personal way to put down the truths of how you feel about anything. i hope that all the support you are receiving cancels out the appalling and judgemental attitudes and criticism that was so unfairly leveled at you.

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  41. Elisa--First I must say that I am very happy about your latest scan results. What wonderful news. Your blog is always informative, well written and helps those of us concerned with your family more than you know. Your latest entry was particularly eloquent, especially when discussing your beautiful daughter. It is truly unbelievable that people would write to you and try to kick you when you are down. As everyone else has stated, just ignore them. They're just not worth worrying about.

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  42. Cursing has been scientifically proven to mitigate pain. You do what you need to do, Elisa, and screw those who don't like it. They don't have to read the blog. The rest of us thrive on your voice.

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  43. I am just going to echo everyone else's sentiments just so you know that you have support here in the cyber world and the real physical world. I have been a reader of your blog since an article was written about your family. And I am in awe of your family's strength. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    And as for these complete idiots who are telling you what to say in your own blog? Fuck 'em. Say what you want HOW YOU WANT. It is your blog. If they are offended, they should just stop reading it. Really!??!?!? Of all the things you are dealing with in life, someone has to give you this shit???? What complete assholes to give you something else to worry about.
    I do admire that you actually thought about what was said and tried to take the criticism constructively. Not everyone is like that, and for that you are to be commended. But you are doing nothing wrong. Write what you want and how you feel. Be authentic. Shit, it's not like you are writing a thesis or a formal letter lol.
    And yes, my profanity is on fucking purpose. :)

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  44. Elisa,
    You Go Girl...You Swear if you need to, You yell if you need to...only YOU know...My husband has been battling cancer for almost 10 fucken years...I used to apoligize for him to the dr's the nurses etc...one nurse pulled me aside (I'm a nurse too) and said "Honey, let him do what he needs to do-he's scared, he's frustrated, he's mad-He doesn't have much control over many things anymore...but he has control over his words...Yes I swear too! Whatever gets you through-YOU DO! I pray for you and your family-your support system...Blessings to you!

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  45. LOVE you, sweetest friend!!! So sorry that you even have to feel the need to explain yourself! You are THE world's GREATEST!!!! XOXOOXOXOX-Lauren
    PS Love "anonymous" post above, too ....do what YOU need to do! It's YOUR life (and YOUR blog :)! I LOVE YOU!

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  46. Yay, ginormous congrats on the good news!! From me and my whole clan.

    As for the two comments, Fuck em. I can say that though, I'm Irish. And I haven't read the other comments, but my guess is my F bomb will not be the only F bomb in this comments section!

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  47. Elisa, this is YOUR space and I am just grateful that you continue to share a piece of yourself with me via this blog so I can support you in your times of need and celebrate in your times of joy. I love hearing the genuine you come through these posts, saying what you need to say when you need to say it. Anyone that thinks you should filter yourself, repress your sentiments or be less genuine can SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! ;)

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  48. My two cents-- I agree that words matter. And as a result, sometimes nothing summarizes a feeling or experience more accurately than a curse word. One of my favorite stories this year was Chris Kluwe's open letter to the Maryland delegate who was pressuring the Ravens to come out against gay marriage. Some people found his language offensive. I think that anything less wouldn't have conveyed the level of disgust he felt towards that delegate. And his disgust was the whole point. So I say, curse on Elisa! Use your words however they best express what you're going through. None of us are having that experience but you and you are blessing us with the gift of sharing that experience. If people don't like the words you use to share, then fuck 'em.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lynette-mae/holy-kluwe-these-guys-are-awesome_b_1867003.html

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  49. I love this quote, "The reason I swear so much is because fuck you." We live in a free fucking country with freedom of speech! I swear too, In different settings and online, holy shit! They can email me if they want to lecture any further mofos---pinkmules@gmail.com
    I'm glad to hear your voice writing again!
    Amy Lynn

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  50. What's the big deal with the F-bomb? Darlin- we know one prayer isn't worth more than another and that the preachy types are often the real freaks hiding behind their rules... So if two people shoot you down and a thousand build you up who should trust? Do you think thousands of people the world over are inspired by you and Nathan and Sadie because you have good manners ? Hells no! In fact if you we're an uptight goodie too shoes who didn't let your wit and sauciness out I probably would never have fallen in love with you.

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  51. The fucking thing I like fuckin' like most in the fucking english language is that you can fucking put the fucking word "fucking" every fucking place you fucking want!!! (Courtesy of Psychotic Humor.com)... Come on for crying out loud - so what if you say a few cuss words and write it down.. it YOUR BLOG! If they dont like, they dont have to read it.. right? Some people need to chill and take a pill.. besides I'd like to see what savory words they would choose if they were fighting for their life?!... I'm really glad that you are still hangin' in there girl... Have been checkin in every now and then to see if you posted anything. Keep fightin the good fight. I'm also keeping tabs on another Cancer fighter too.. Meredith Israel. She is another wonderous fighter too. We love you all Elisa, Nathan and Sadie.. and FUCK what anyone else thinks :)

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  52. Damn autocorrect makes my spelling and grammar worse!

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  53. People really took time out of their day to write you and criticize someone who is fighting cancer day in and day out, while trying to be a wife and mother in the process??! That is un-fucking-real! I hope you gave them an earful and asked them to walk ONE DAY in your shoes. This blog is here for your comfort and release, it's YOURS. This is your battle and journey, express it however you want. And put things in persepctive folks - go through one of Elisa's treatments and let me know what choice words you have afterwards. This is unfuriating, ugh! Continue to fight & be strong. I'm sure there are many more things you can be directing your meditation and thoughts on. (I can't stand people).

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  54. I was a raised to be "polite" and to say "nice" things. But I don't have one fucking nice thing to say of, about or to cancer. Sometimes life is (for lack of a better word) shitty. People need to express honestly, and maybe choice words are not "nice" or "polite." I'm praying for you and your family and I believe God listens to our thoughts, intentions, and actions and is unconcerned with linguistics. Be well!

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  55. Fucking A sweetie!

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  56. F-bomb on, lady. We are praying for you and your family regardless of how you express your (and yours alone!) experience. Love your blog, love your spirit and love your willingness to share. (Also, I'm with denengdeng -- fuck cancer.)

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  57. You have the right to use whatever language you want. Don't let others dictate what is on your blog!!! You have been through so much, I cannot even imagine, and this is coming from someone who was hit by a NYC bus and was in the hospital for a year...

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  58. It's your voice, and we follow it because we like your voice and the way you tell your amazing story. If someone doesn't like it, blame it on the drugs! :) Please keep writing whenever and however you feel.

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  59. You deserve to be able to swear all you want. They are just words. There are times that the only word strong enough to explain a frustration or a difficult time is FUCK. Maybe some people don't understand the relief it brings to say it and worse. Don't hold back. In your situation there are no behavioral rules. So swear away. It's not a gun, not a bomb, just a word that says it all.

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  60. Swear away! If they can't deal with it, you don't need their negativity! You need to surround yourself with the people who bring the BEST out in you and not make you angry or feel defensive. CANCER FUCKING SUCKS. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. CANCER DOUBLE FUCKING SUCKS WHEN A MOM AND DAD HAS IT TOGETHER. You will never offend me and I wish you guys the best of luck on this journey and thank you for sharing your story with us all!

    Sharon Steele/Cape Cod, MA sanibelsharon@yahoo.com

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  61. YOUR blog, your voice. I actually HATE reading blogs from people going through tough times with all kinds of sweet language and scripture when I know that is not what they are thinking.

    Cancer sucks. You get to do it your way.

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  62. It would truly suck if other people's judgments and opinions quiets your voice. One of the main reasons I come back to your blog is Elisa's voice. It shines through. I thought, "This gal is feisty. I like her." I wish I were more like you, truth be told.

    Your voice, your words, your expressions!

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  63. I'm sorry but WTF? WHO are these people- obviously they are missing the point if they are writing you about their offense at your use of curse words during a shitty time in your life. Curse all you want! For god's sakes you have every right to. Some people just can't handle the Brooklyn way. Their problem, NOT yours.

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  64. Fire away, Elise! Such "sentence enhancers" help us to understand your frustration and how strongly you're feeling. Time for everyone to put their big girl (or big boy) pants on and deal with it, or stop following your blog. (By the way, I'm quoting SpongeBob when I use the phrase "sentence enhancers." You must watch the "Sailor Mouth" episode sometime- hilarious!)

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  65. I love it when you curse. Seriously. I have been reading your blog for a long time, and I have to say, your f-bombs (and the like) give me a sense of freedom! They give people like me a voice. I curse about my cancer all the time. I'm glad others do as well. Cancer fucking sucks. And we have the right to call a spade a spade, you know?

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  66. Never EVER apologize for doing what you need to do to cope through this trial. Shame on the people who confronted you over such a small thing. Hell, I swear out loud just reading about your pains and struggles you're going through, so when I read your swear words, it keeps it real. Really, if any of us had cancer and our husbands did as well, the first thought that would pop into our heads would be, "Fuck this!"

    My son battled brain cancer and lost the battle when he was 10. Sometimes, when he was going through a particularly grueling treatment or procedure I would whisper in his ear, "You can swear if you want. I give you permission!" He would giggle so hard and then say, "SHIT!" We would all laugh and the comic relief and the words out loud strangely helped.

    Do your thing, don't be sorry for it!

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  67. You have got to be kidding me. Someone comes to a blog where a person is writing openly about the cancer journey that you and your husband have been going through, and then they criticize you for swearing? Fuck that shit!

    Don't let them get you down. Their crap says far more about them than about you. It's great to realize the power of words, but don't forget that for many of your readers, it's the willingness to let some F-bombs fly that makes your voice feel authentic and gives them something to relate to.

    Love and prayers from Seattle.

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  68. I cannot BELIEVE that anyone would come from such a ridiculous and self-righteous place as to try and censor your words and your ability to express your feelings. This is America where we enjoy freedom of speech...if they don't like your choice of speech,then I suppose they don't have to read your blog. Reading what you elect to share does not give anyone the right to demand that you tailor it to suit them.

    At the end of the day, this is your blog, although by writing it you are generous enough to allow us to walk beside you on your journey. Please do not censor yourself, and please do not waste anymore of your precious energy worrying about that.

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  69. Karen Kristofferson SparksOctober 18, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    Keep the language real and raw Elisa- you are giving voice to a trying experience and doing it eloquently. I appreciate the unfiltered you- it always makes me feel like I can hear you saying what I'm reading and I like that. Hope you are doing well. Think of you so often. XOXO Karen

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  70. All I can say is WOW!! Many hugs and trust me, I am one that agrees that words are powerful, but yet let them be in your shoes for as long as you have and have the ups and downs that your family has had and see if they don't drop a word or two!! Keep it up, as I continue to pray for you and your family!! Find peace in all that is around you and know that you are LOVED!!

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  71. You say out loud what a lot of us are thinking (and saying if the truth be known). As wise old Dr. Suess always said, "Be yourself! Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter!" At least I think it was Dr. Suess, but whoever said it - it's TRUE!! Sending love, light and prayers your way, today and everyday! xoxo Susan

    PS, I don't mean to post "Anonymous", I just don't get how to do it any other way LOLOLOL

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  72. Please embrace your freedom to express yourself in any manner that you choose to. You have my prayers no matter how many curse words and negative phrases you speak or place into your blog. This is your journey and you get to decide how you want to travel it. The rest of us should be praying and providing light to help you see and walk the path you are choosing to take through your journey. This is your journey and you should never have been made to feel like you had done something wrong or been ridiculed into silence. God bless you and your sweet family!

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  73. I'm so annoyed right now. That is the thing I like about you - you are REAL. You say it like it is. I know these type of people and they love to correct everyone on everything. That's their purpose (or so they think) in life. You will never make everyone happy.....AND the wonderful thing is, they don't have to read your blog. Unfortunately, writing a blog makes you vulnerable to people's opinions. You have enough to worry about right now. Don't waste another second on this and keep writing as you have. It's the way you express yourself and no one should tell you how to do that on YOUR blog.

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  74. You use whatever words you want. Your blog, your rules. If people get the vapors over stupid stuff like that, maybe they need to find another blog. It's their problem, not yours.

    Keeping you, Nathan & Sadie in my prayers.

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  75. I saw honey say whatever the fuck you like.

    Keep on fighting!

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  76. Elisa, clearly this is their problem, not yours! It is your blog and NO-ONE here should judge you. No-one knows, what you and Nathan have been through. If they don't like the words, then quit coming to your blog. Please know that 99.9% of your fb friends, accept you for the real person, the real humor and real cuss words you share with us. You are AMAZING, just ignore the comments!!

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  77. Although we worked together for a short time, I was immediately drawn to you. I love your sense of humor, sarcasm, courage and strength. With all that has happened to you and your family you have managed to sustain all of who you are. It has made you even stronger, more beautiful and my SHERO! So in my opinion you keep expressing yourself as you wish! This is your journey and we are spectators that you have allowed people you know and total strangers a peak into your world. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for sharing what you've shared, you've taught me so much since you've opened your blog up to the world. No one has the right to judge you. NO ONE! So F-Bomb AWAY!! <3 <3

    Linda-TCS-NY

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  78. How dare someone complain about YOUR blog? That's like accepting an invitation into someone's home and then criticizing the interior design choices. Don't like it? Don't read it! Either way, STFU and don't judge. If you feel anything for that person, feel compassion, because while you may be sick, you're open. They're shut down -- way down. Sending you and your lovely family thoughts of peace and healing.

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  79. Elisa, I have had cancer. As YOU know, it knocks you to your knees, sucks the wind out of you. It is raw and it is emotional. I love reading your blog...and I was drawn to your story because of my own cancer experience. Cancer patients get some morbid joy from hearing other cancer patients stories. Cancer is a lonely place. Even with a good support system. Reading what others are going through is therapeutic. It reminds you that you are not alone. Someone out there knows how you feel. My experience was no where near the magnitude of yours, but I want to read realness. I don't want it sugar coated. So many people sugar coat it! It sucks! SO be real and say what you want and need to say. I am praying for you and your beautiful family... no matter how many bad words you say!

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  80. How dare someone confront you for how you write. I love reading your blog. Continue to inspire and be the person you are. Forget those people that have the balls to make you feel like that given all that you have been through. Keep up the fight and keep up the language! :)

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  81. Good lord, swear away. Using swear words to capture how you feel is worlds different from aiming them at someone. Geez. You're going through a war, drop some $%#*(& bombs!!!

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  82. I have always believed that there is a place for the appropriately place curse word. I love your voice, I love your humor, and I love your honesty. I believe that that all of that comes from a divine place. Please take care and be well. I am sending lots of love and prayers your way. xox, A friend of a friend (Karen Silcox) in Texas

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  83. Your blog..your words!! If someone doesn't like it then they don't have to read it! I will pray extra to cover their lost prayers! : )
    Last thing you need is to worry about strangers and whether they like your language or not! I think your real when you use real language! Matt Logelin (sp?) uses language similar to yours. Its ok to do! Always praying for you !!

    Ellen from NC formerly from NY

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  84. WTF! Anyone who doesn't like your language is welcome to read another blog! They have a lot of nerve complaining to you about it, and I am sorry that it gave you such distress and held you back from communicating. I say, express yourself in any manner that you please. I want to hear it. (I've never met you. I just heard your story, don't even remember from where, and I've been following your beautiful family.)

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  85. No judging from this prayer warrior!! I lift your family up in my prayers everyday! No worries for you on anything else, you all have enough to worry about, then to worry about those you have offended because of a blog that they CHOSE to read!

    Keep your good spirit- and your sense of humor- I find it charming! That, to me, is half of your battles!

    May God bless your family!

    Love from Toledo!!!

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  86. Keep the profanity coming. You are at war with cancer. You are understandably pissed off. You express yourself with profanity. And you do it with class. You are an amazing writer. So eff the schmucks that said you offended them and eff cancer. Your profanity always makes me chuckle. I'm sorry you let those schmucks get to you. If they don't like it, they shouldn't read it.

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  87. I LOVE your strength and candor and enjoy reading your colorful blogs so keep them coming! My Mom told me of a friend of hers who spend years, countless hours, a lot of money on therapy and after all of it she said the one thing she learned was to say "F--K, F--K, F--K, F--K" ! I tell this story often it makes me laugh out loud, I hope it did the same for you!

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  88. I love reading your blog, f-bombs and all. It is hugely inspirational and eloquent. Don't give up - there will always be a nasty nutcase or two out there but you have a small army of admirers and well-wishers out here in cyberspace who will do their best to scare them off, or at least shout them down!

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  89. Girl, you need to say whatever THE HELL YOU WANT TO SAY. Maybe those offendees need to start a blog of their own where they can use phrases like oh fudge and whatnot. DON'T LET PEOPLE CENSOR YOU. IT IS NOT THE AMERICAN WAY. - Wanda

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  90. Elisa - I love you. It's good to see you writing again. As for the critics- fuck it. Say whatever you want to say, however you want to say it. Whenever I find myself holding back my truth or trying to finesse my language, I think of this Audre Lorde quote:"I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. "

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  91. The God I believe in is railing & cursing right along with you as you & your husband battle cancer. The God I believe could give two hoots about WHAT words you choose to use as tools for your voice. The God I believe in REJOICES that you have a voice that you use so very eloquently, genuinely & often with humor & great wit to express honestly the struggles & triumphs of this journey. The God I believe in is THANKFUL for the love, support, treatment that is given to you by friends, strangers, care takers, & health care professionals. The God I believe in would be ANGRY at judgmental, small minded people who try to impose their misguided sense of virtue on someone else. As my Aussie friends like to say, FOR FUCK SAKE (FFS)---get off her blog and LEAVE HER THE HELL ALONE if you do not like her 'words'.

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  92. so strange i had the same guilt about typing a "colorful outburst" update on my caring bridge site. some were scared, others repulsed and others laughed it felt so good to let it out. its your journey they are just peeking in they are in no position to judge. glad you are finding peace. Amy Tibbs in montana

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  93. First, FABULOUS re: the brain scan. Second, I think you're a wonderful writer and while words DO matter, I think people who are easily offended by curse words really need to get a grip! I curse like a sailor (except around old people and children) and if people are offended, then they're not my friends. We have free choice. If something offends you, walk away. People who feel compelled to judge are small. I'm actually STUNNED that someone would bring that up with the heavy load you're carrying. I have a word for them. It's ASSHATS!! Don't ever ever let anyone make you think twice about what you write. It's not their business. And for God's sake, please don't stop cursing! It makes this blog real. Continued courage and sending massive healing vibes your way!!

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  94. Would they prefer "Intercourse cancer?" Or "bugger cancer?" Perhaps they'd like "beast-with-two-backs cancer." This is your story, and you can tell it your way, and I'm ticked—TICKED, I say—that anyone has given you cause to question yourself. You've had enough going on inside your head already to let these prudes live in there rent-free as well. Fuck 'em if they can't take you as you are. Keep blogging if you want, keep being your magnificent self.

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  95. Elisa,
    You are a beautiful and courageous family. First off - I'm so happy for you with your scan results. Prayers and swearing do work!!!Sometimes it takes a perfectly placed Fuck to say things the right way. I usually try to play devils advocate and the peacekeeper role, these 2 people (out of how many of your supporters?) took offense with your language, and they are allowed. But they are only allowed PRIVATELY. They are NOT allowed to tell you how to write, feel or anything else? If they are reading - Do you Fucking HEAR ME?

    I have missed your blog updates immensely. I try to be optimistic when we don't hear from you for a while and convince myself that things are really good and you are enjoying life with no time to blog. EITHER WAY it's good.....it's YOUR LIFE, YOUR BLOG, YOUR TIMEFRAME and YOUR DAMN VOCABULARY! I happen to think you speak eloquently and beautifully through your words. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family NO MATTER WHAT!

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  96. I'm so sorry that you wasted any energy, effort, anger, feelings, thoughts on these enormously self righteous people! How dare they try to edit you and your thoughts on YOUR blog. With everything else on your plate, did they really think that chastising you for your use of strong language was the best way they could help you?! Guess what, if you don't have something positive to contribute to this family - SHUT THE FRONT DOOR - and let them focus on something a hell of lot more important that curse words.

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  97. Elisa, this is my first time commenting and I've been following your and Nathan's journey since last year. You are AMAZING in your strong spirit, your often humorous and always compelling writing...and most importantly, your honesty. As someone who is a HUGE fan of the F-word, I encourage you not to give a flying fuck about any of those narrowminded, selfish critics. You deserve to communicate in any manner you see fit and there is no need for you to censor yourself. Know that your words -- bad ones and all -- are powerful because of your honesty and raw emotion and are well received by the vast majority. Those of us who understand (and even appreciate) the use of profanity will send even more love, prayers, and good thoughts to you. Stay strong. Stay true to yourself.

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  98. CURSE AWAY, ELSIA! And this is coming from a fairly consertative Christian whose husband is a Minister. I'm sorry others felt that they had the right to come to YOUR blog, YOUR PAIN and push their values on you. I am very very sorry for that.

    What you are going through is unimaginable; we have never met, but I feel I know you and I do pray for you, Nathan and Sadie, regardless of how many "fucks, shits, damns" I read on this Blog. I can only imagine I would be saying (and HAVE said) those same words faced with fear, confusion and the unknown.

    Please continue to feel free to express yourself, warts and all. WE are all VISITORS here to YOUR space and if any of us get offended, we can leave. If we are true Christians, we will continue to pray and support you no matter what.

    Christ doesn't care about our language per se; He cares about our hearts towards others. You don't use those words to intentionally offend, you use them to express your inner most emotions and Christ knows this. Please don't give it another thought. Yes, words are powerful and can be hurtful when USED in the spirit of causing pain to others. You are not doing that.

    May the peace of Lord, which surpasses ALL UNDERSTANDING, be with you always.

    Your Stranger Friend,
    Jen Johnson

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  99. As many have already stated, it is YOUR life, YOUR choice, YOUR voice to express yourself whichever way you choose. I love your your "voice." I am not the least bit offended by your language. You express yourself beautifully. If someone reading your blog has a problem with it, they can go f_ck themselves!

    Carry on!

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  100. Fuck 'em, Elisa! You do you.

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  101. you are welcome to say: go fuck yourself cancer. our words are often the only thing we have to scream, cry, and remind ourselves that we are alive. yes, words are powerful things and i don't believe in cursing a lot but using those words when they are real and natural and useful.
    please write more. as yourself.
    as always, wishing you continued healing and joy with your family.
    bean

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  102. You know, I'm not one who curses regularly in my daily life. I'm also not one who has been handed down a diagnosis like yours (or your husband's...or both at the same time!). So who am I to judge? I'm amazed at your strength and determination--and I'm drawn in by your honesty and rawness. You. Are. You. This disease hasn't stripped you of *you*. That's one of the many victories you've scored against this beast. It's a BEAUTIFUL thing. I would encourage you to continue being you---and whatever language that necessitates is a wonderful thing!

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  103. I cannot believe someone would actually take the time to write you to correct you on your tone. Seriously? these people have way to much time in their hands. This is all about sending good vibes TO YOU, not you making everyone happy. I agree with the comment before mine... Fuck'em! and I am praying for your health and recovery and for Nathan's

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  104. What they've all said ^^

    This is your journal, your diary. You didn't write it with the intention of entertaining people (although a lot of the time you do). You wrote it to put your fears and anger on paper (well, you know what I mean) and get them out of your head, where they can become toxic. You have been generous enough to allow the rest of us to follow along on your journey. I say generous for two reasons: 1. People who have had or have cancer gain strength from knowing there is someone else just as scared as they are and 2. People, like me, who haven't had to deal directly with cancer YET gain strength from knowing that it's okay to be scared and knowing that we will be strong enough to fight if we have to.

    My take: the two individuals who wrote to you may be scared by the amount of pain and fear they can feel from your words. They may be afraid of how they will be able to deal with it if their time comes. They may actually, somewhere deep down inside, wish they could be more like you but because of the social pressures placed on them don't feel they would be able to be as open and honest about their feelings. That probably scares them too, being afraid of dying and never being able to express themselves honestly. People are usually critical of other people because they see something of themselves that they are afraid of.

    I really hope you don't change the way you write. I don't think that would be good for you health wise because you'd be stuffing things inside that shouldn't be stuffed. Along with that, I also wanted to say that I hope you don't feel you have to journal all the time just to make us feel better. As you start to get back into a more "normal" family routine, you are probably going to find less time to write and that's good. We'll still be rooting your family on. Just know that if you need to vent, you've got a lot of support here.

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  105. Cancer SUCKS!!!FUCK Cancer!!!!

    Husband in remission from High Risk Multiple Myeloma. He was diagnosed a few weeks before you both were. I was holding a very nice pity party for myself as the scans came back showing bright spots all over his body (52 lesions) and he started very aggressive chemo.

    Then I found your story.

    You and Nathan are my heroes. Please keep writing. There are so many people who want to hear what you are doing and feeling. <3

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  106. Elisa - We've been out of touch for many, many years, but I've followed your blog and have been consistently amazed by your strength and fortitude, as well as your willingness to share both the sweet and and the sour with a very large audience. That in itself is an extraordinarily brave thing to do. Two words for anyone who criticizes your choice of words: Fuck 'em. Armando

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  107. For me, I first became a follower when you and Nathan were on The Today Show. I appreciated your honesty and your willingness to share your story with the world. I check frequently to see if there are updates as I pray for your healing and happiness. When you're you in your raw state dealing with all that you're dealing with, people relate the most and know to reach out to you with a kind word or thought. No person has any right to judge you, NO PERSON. And until they've walked a day in your shoes, they must remain quiet. If the language offends them? Don't be a follower on this blog. Some days you're going to be scared and downright angry to where you feel the need to curse and you should be able to do so without judgment. Quite the opposite in fact, you should be embraced and encouraged all the more on those challenging days by followers like me who only want you to be you in the truest sense! Blessings to you, Nathan and your precious Sadie!

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  108. My dearest cousin- Screw them. Write what you want, how you want. If someone doesnt like it they can read some where else. WTF?
    You are who you are. Don't change. EVER.
    Speak your mind, say it all. Post a rating on your blog, like a movie.
    "today this blog is rated R " this way those people can stop reading. But you know what? who cares? I don't. Screw worrying about other people. worry about you and your family.
    I love you cousin.
    I bow to you.
    For all you people that have a problem with it... Stop reading!
    My cousin is a beautiful soul. How dare you judge!
    Yvette

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  109. FUCK yeah on your scans! And FUCK any self righteous person who thinks they have the right to criticize what you have on this blog!

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  110. You have cancer. You're husband has cancer. You can say whatever the damn hill hell you want. We hear you, we are praying incessantly, we care.

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  111. Oh my fucking God. Tell those people where they can go!!!!

    I have struggled with that exact same issue. I just love your post. I lived in NY for 3 years. Grew up in South Africa. I live in Texas now. People are very conservative here. Adding insult to injury, I sell a lot of Christian products for a living (and, by the way, I'm Jewish). Because of what I sell, I think people assume I'm a nice Christian girl, and would never utter anything profane. The truth is that I listen to Howard Stern, and I cuss like a sailor. But I'm AM a NICE girl! I don't steal. I'm kind to animals. I don't litter. I give to charity. I'm kind and forgiving of people. Basically, I do the right thing. I don't curse everywhere, just around people I feel really comfortable with. So shoot me.

    I have enjoyed your blog BECAUSE you write in the most honest way, and when that includes the occasional F-word, all the better. It's about how you feel at the moment.

    And, Jesus Christ, don't you have enough on your plate that these people don't need to be pointing out some ridiculous thing that "offends" them???? Trust me, any prayers they may have are tainted anyway because they are judging you. Who are they to judge you?

    Ok, I'll step off my soap box now.
    So glad you shared this with us! Keep writing in the way you feel comfortable!!! I for one pray for you, and I don't care what words you use!!!

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  112. This is YOUR blog and your voice. Bring.it.on. Delete the naysayers!

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  113. From one Brooklyn girl to another - you go girl! Your words speak the truth - and as someone else just said - if people don't like it - DON'T READ IT. There are no kind words for what you are going through. So you speak what you want and how you want!!! It SUCKS!
    My thoughts and prayers are always with you and your hubby!
    Regards Ricki - (I am someone that has lost loved ones and can find no goodness or kindness in this disease!)

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  114. Speak how you want!! I agreed with the ridiculousness of someone trying to tell you how to speak on YOUR blog, YOUR diary, YOUR place to blow off steam.

    I have always loved and respected your truly honest and open way of "speaking"/writing. It's what we're all thinking but sometimes to scared to write. So BRING ON THE F-BOMBS, they are more than welcomed!!

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  115. Judy (from The F'in hood!)October 18, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    Fuck em! You don't owe anyone politeness! What's the point of a blog if you can't say what you are feeling!

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  116. You know it just occurred to me, you say you received the correspondence at the beginning of the year. Isn't that around the same time the doctor found a couple more spots on your MRI? Was that after this happened with the blog? If so, do you see the danger in shutting down your voice? If you don't express your feelings honestly and stuff them all back inside, it gives the cancer something to feed off of. Do you really want to risk that happening again just because 2 people are fearful?

    Think about it Elisa...
    It's not worth it.

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  117. My sweet girl. Do not let the other peoples issues hurt you. There are so many people out here who love you and your family who don't even know you. Do not ever let anyone silence you or give you any added worries. We are praying for you and swear all you like. I think it is theraupeutic! Keep on sharing your story in your voice you are changing lives and helping others. Shame on anyone for trying to change that and sending anything but positive healing energy your way

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  118. Well, I am sorry for my profanity...but fuck anyone who has the fucking nerve to add to your worries. Chastising you about your language when you are BATTLING FUCKING CANCER????? What the fuck? Really? Fuck! eople fucking slay me. This is YOUR space, your space to release. Sometimes, salty language just makes you feel fuckity fucking better, it just DOES.

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  119. Oh, please, use whatever language you want. I can't believe anyone approached you about it.

    On the other hand, I took my Obama sticker off my van yesterday because some crazy Texas neighbor of mine yelled at me. So who am I to give you advice? My eight year old son put the sticker back on.

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  120. I'm sorry that some unkind, cold hearted person made you not want to blog! We all love you guys and we love everything you say! If anyone doesn't like what they are reading....they can stop anytime! Please don't change because of them!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

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  121. Dont let people get to you. You have enough to worry about!!! If they dont like the language they dont have to read it. Dont sugar coat anything including your language. Its more important who you may be helping than the selfish people who you are "hurting" with your language. BULLSHIT!!! Take care of yourself and your family and do what makes you feel good. YOur strength is amazing and inspiring...

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  122. Let me start off by saying that I really don't care for the bad words, especially when there are so many more beautiful words in our language. But given that, if I were in your shoes, there would not be enough FUCKS, DAMNS or any other words to go around! I had someone tell me one time that I couldn't be a Christian and still use curse words...my explanation to her was that God has to be more concerned about what is in my heart than what comes out of my mouth. That sometimes saying damn or shit stops me from doing or acting in a way that is far less pleasing. You have earned the right to say whatever you want. The first time you and your husband heard the "C" word earned you both that right. This is your space, your place and your time and perhaps F-bombs make these things just a bit easier for you! You do whatever it takes, regardless of who it offends. Don't worry about offending someone and losing prayers because there are so many lifting you and your family in prayer right now that losing those who don't or can't understand your situation, just won't matter! And if they are really more concerned about your language than they are about just hearing from you on this blog, their prayers really are important. I personally enjoy "Bond-ing" time and really have missed hearing from you. I started this journey with you and when I first heard about, through your photographer friend here, I sent emails to some celebrity types asking for prayers for your family...your family has touched my heart and that of my family. So let out a few more F-bombs and get back in this game. Your a fighter and remember that fight is an F word too!!! Much love and prayer!

    Patsy Lander

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  123. As an inveterate curser from almost the day I was born (which was not learned from parents), I have always found swearing wildly to be extremely cathartic. Like you, with nasty disease to fight, I hope my words will kill the fuckers, even though I know they won't. Having been forced to donate my body to medical science long before I am dead, I applaud you for saying what you want, doing what you want, sectioning off your life to allow only those things, people and events that give you pleasure. Anyone who does not understand that we have so few personal freedoms and such short lives, and so little control over our bodies, should not castigate anyone else for choosing how to live life. Real life is not for the PollyAnnas of the world. It is for fighters. Sending love and strength, damn it. xx

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  124. Elisa,

    The thing I love so much about this blog is how I can hear you speaking every single word in my head. It all sounds like YOU. And I think you are pretty awesome, and always have. I hate that you let some rotten apples get to you, but I am sure I would have felt the same - criticism hurts. I agree with just about everyone above - screw them, they can find another blog to read. You owe no one anything except for Sadie and Nathan. Miss you, girl. Alix and I would love to come by and visit any time you feel up to it. xo, Bettie

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  125. All I can say is that your story has moved me since day one. I look at your blog EVERY day hoping for an update. Even when you don't post for two months at a time, I come back every day to check. Every time I read one of your posts, I feel like you are sitting in front of me and telling me your story. Your words (ALL of them) move me. Please don't stop telling your story!

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  126. I agree with the previous comments that those two posters should have given more thought as to how THEIR words made YOU feel! There was actually a study done (believe it or not) showing that people who dipped their arm in ice water could keep it there longer if they used curse words while it was submurged--proof that there is a therapeutic emotional and physical release! So F-Bombs away! We, as readers, can take it. Congratulations on your most recent MRI!

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  127. I agree with everyone else--write whatever words you want to, and if they offend others, well then those people don't have to read 'em. Swearing makes something as dumb as hitting your toe feel better, so why the hell not swear at something as obnoxious as cancer?! As always, sending positive and happy thoughts your way and hoping that you're feeling well.

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  128. Censor not. Courage on. Your job has never been to worry about us...and we would not want you to start.

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  129. People are something else. It's YOUR blog. IT's YOUR fight. Say what you need to say. If people are offended, then they have a choice not to read your blog. They can still pray for you. One should not be confused with one another. Please don't let them offend you or take away your energy any more.

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  130. PUHLEASE...the more F*Bombs the better...some people are meant to be ignored. Bombs away girl!! I think of you often and look forward to all the updates. So thrilled to hear the latest great news!

    xoxo Dayna

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  131. Sometimes uncomfortable people give us an opportunity to have a great idea. Let me tell you this: If swearing keeps you as strong as you are, you should teach a class on swearing so that others can learn to let go of their own emotions and feel better. And please invite the persons that wrote to you, it might liberate them from whatever the hell is going on in their lives that makes them take the time to write to you about the subject.
    You have an unbelievable strenght and attitude. Obsessing on keeping cool and "zen" can make you sick emotionally. Please don´t fall into this trap.
    Sending you love and hugs.

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  132. please please please put aside anyone's negative comments and find peace and strenghth in expressing yourself however you like! All the prayers and all the love still flows your way......

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  133. Use the words that work for you and to (fill in whatever choice words you like) with those who sit in judgement. Prayers are freely given with unconditional love.

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  134. Last time I checked, it's YOUR blog which means YOUR rules - and goodness knows if I was in yours & Nathan's shoes I can't imagine the words that would be spewing from my mouth. I cuss at work if I'm having a bad day or if someone cuts me off in traffic.... so if my spouse & I are both fighting cancer when we just want to be hugging our precious daughter -all bets are off! So blog on strong Elisa & speak from your heart - that's what makes this blog so real! Prayers to your beautiful family & so pleased to hear your latest results! Hugs from Houston, Texas!

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  135. We are guests in your "home" here, and your house rules are in place! Meanwhile, I always loved your way to write, it was energetic with a great sense for humour. I wouldnt want you any other way! Im reading your blog now for 1.5 years, I cant type well but I keep routing for you and try to send you mental strength. You rock, Eliza. While its good for everyone of us to question ourselves sometimes, dont let these people get in your way to be authentic. - Greetings and love from Germany!

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  136. This is YOUR experience! YOUR voice! YOUR words! It's not THEIRS. If they have a problem THEY don't have to read!! So much love for you and your family from Boston. Please stay strong and keep using YOUR space how you see fit :)

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  137. I really do LOVE your "voice"...and I get it! You will continue to have my good vibes, my thoughts and my prayers. I recite this Hebrew prayer for you often.
    EL NA, REFA NA LA
    G-D, PLEASE HEAL HER, PLEASE
    There should be NO judgements made until someone has walked in your shoes...and I know we both pray not!
    Just get well.

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  138. "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

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  139. Curse away!!!! Express yourself and don't let those mother fuckers get you down or question who you are or what you have to say. Love you!!!!

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  140. Elisa, I love your honesty. I want you to use your blog however it best helps you. Be yourself. I find your language refreshingly real, and I always imagined it was both cathartic and accurate to your state of mind and body. Be well, and much love to you and the family.

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    Replies
    1. HOW DARE THEY JUDGE!!! Sweet Elisa, how narrow their minds and how sad that they stifled and hurt you.So many many more feel privileged that you share your thoughts, your precious family,your ups , your downs, your heart with us. Yes, words do count. They can be used to hurt. Getting to know you through your writing - all of your words - your readers know you are not a person who hurts others. The words of those who criticize you may be more than four letters but they are the harsh, the evil, the profane. Beware of the righteous; they tend to be assholes. For the record this grandmother says: Fuck 'em.

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  141. I'm so glad you remembered that this is YOUR space. And people have the choice whether to hear/read your voice and support your experience. If they are bothered/offended, then they can choose not to read or enjoy your authenticity. Own your voice, girl...for it is a lovely, phenomenal, awesomely hilarious and truly genuine one.

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  142. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my friends told me that my daughter's first words were sure to be "motherf**cker" because my use of such words. I still laugh about that, especially now when my daughter says "shittake mushrooms" instead of shit! :)

    I agree with all of the above posters, and just wanted to tell you that you and your husband are strong and amazing people and parents, and hugs to you all as your daughter works through her fears, and you and your husband battle on with such grace and kick-ass attitude. (And you are a great writer!)

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  143. Swear on! I say fuck it!!! haha, its freedom! My mom has been in the fight of her life with breast cancer and just finished whole brain radiation a few weeks ago. Swearing has been my release of stress. She's now in the hospital and although I do refrain from profanity with doctors and nurses, I don't in the walls of my own house. In my mind this blog is your house and you should do what you want in your own mind's space!

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  144. Seriously, someone wrote you about that? What the FUCK is wrong with people. Curse away, my dear. It's just words. Your words. I hope I get back to NY sometime in the near future so we can see each other. xxxxxooooo Dayna

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  145. I am a 60 year old practicing Buddhist. I try to practice what we call "right speech". I also try to always ask myself before I express myself: Is it necessary? Is it kind? Is it true? The answer is often: Fuck, yeah!

    "Fuck" and other colourful words are now in common parlance and, really have been for many, many years. Philip Larkin famously used it in "This Be The Verse" and countless fine writers, like your good self, use it and other appropriately vivid language to convey important insights into the human experience. I truly can't believe that anyone asked you to stifle your voice. It is really incomprehensible to me. You have never written anything even remotely vulgar or ugly. Never.

    I am sad for the small minds that judged you. Their's cannot be an easy road. But, you can't be responsible for their problems... yours aint exactly a fucking picnic either! So... hell yeah, use that oh so versatile word "fuck" whenever it suits and don't let anyone mess with your glorious voice.

    I can't tell you how happy I was to see you here!!! In Canada, where I live, we sometimes express happy approval with the expression: Fuckin' eh!

    peace & profanity
    christina


    You are

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  146. Elisa, I have been following your story since your first Today show and have never written until now. I am so upset that people would write to you about your language! Shame on them!! Keep writing the way you have always done girl. Best wishes to you and your beautiful family from Canada.

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  147. Rock the fuck on, Elisa.

    Christian

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  148. I cannot believe anyone would scold you for foul language!!?? How absolutely trivial, trite, selfcentered and very very small of them, especially knowing the battle you wage against an awful disease. Hey, sometimes that word is the only thing that delivers the one-two punch you're looking for.

    Seriously... any of you naysayers? Shut the fuck up, you should be ashamed.

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  149. Please- swear away! I do all the time, and it really does make me feel better!

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  150. Hi,
    I am so dismayed that people sent discouraging notes to you. Its baffling to me that of all the profound truths, raw feelings, and brilliant hope you share with us all, that anyone would miss the magic of your words. I am bummed, selfishly, that we missed some of your reflection for a time. So thrilled to see you back, and beyond happy for your healing.
    Please keep it coming, in your buoyant, brave voice, with all of its color and clarity.
    Warmly,
    Catherine

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  151. While I was never someone who typically used "swear words", I would sometimes pull them out just to see the effect of shock, awe, or hilarity that might ensue when I used them. But it wasn't until I got cancer that I really felt swear words had a more legitimate and powerful place in my vocabulary. I, for one, feel that the phrase, "F__K Cancer" has provided me more relief and, more importantly, strengthened me than "poopy cancer" or "stupid cancer". And whatever empowers someone going through a crisis is more important than someone else's sensitive eyes/ears ... in my opinion.

    So ... just because it makes me feel strong and maybe it makes you feel strong, too ... F__K CANCER!!!

    ... and, by all means, be yourself. That's what blogging is all about. People can CHOOSE not to read.

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  152. Seriously? Fuck em. Drop the f bomb all you want, it makes your blog real. It makes your blog you. If they want it to be clean and pure then they can start a blog of their own. You are fighting a real douche bag called cancer right now... And when you fight you get pissed ... And when you are pissed you have the right to say fuck. Plus its such a versatile word!

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  153. Hey, Tom Hanks can't control himself on national tv. If even he can't control himself, what are we mere mortals to do?
    http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/10/19/163238517/what-the-tom-hanks-drops-f-bomb-on-good-morning-america

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  154. Elisa,

    I've prayed, cried and laughed at your blogs and loved them all the more because I knew you were writing them. You shouldn't censure your voice because what you have to say makes people uncomfortable. If it makes them that uncomfortable, then they shouldn't read it. Please, please don't put a band-aid over your mouth to please two people. You have been so much to so many others. There's a saying: people who matter don't mind and people who mind don't matter.

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  155. I will. If you want to use profanity to fight cancer, well go right ahead. I am the same way and if I were in your shoes I would want to be able to use it when I needed it. I have no problem with it, I will continue to pray for you and your family no matter what words you use to describe what you are going through. Thanks for the updates so we can keep you in our prayers. Many hugs to you and your family. Molly

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  156. I don't get it. At all. You are a blog and if people want to read what you say, they do. If they don't, they don't need to come back. No one has walked in your shoes, therefore no one can tell you what to say and what not to say. It angers me that people would write to you, telling you this. I am so sorry to hear it and stay strong girl!

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  157. Don't apologize for being you. If someone doesn't like your language, let them go elsewhere. You Go Girl!!! Keep up the fight and your positive attitude and don't let anyone get you down.

    Continued blessings to you and yours,
    Jan

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  158. I read this today and thought of you:

    This is from the FAQ section of a blog called PARENTING Illustrated with Crappy Pictures (it's hysterical-you should check it out if you want a laugh: http://crappypictures.com)

    FAQ:"Can you please stop swearing? (variations: I can’t read this to my child because you swear, if you stop swearing you’ll reach a larger audience, I’m unsubscribing because you swore, your swearing offends me)"

    Crappy Mom answer:

    "No.

    I’m so sorry you are offended. I swear in real life too so we probably couldn’t be friends. I’m okay with this. I’m guessing that if you are offended by a swear word here and there then there would be a whole lot about me that would offend you. I do not think I’m your type. It’s not you, it’s me.

    As for reading to your children, these posts are not written for children, they are written for the parents of children. Sorry if that was confusing."


    As I said-I read this today and thought of you and what you are coming to terms with regarding your voice. Be true to who you are and don't worry about the rest!!

    Mary

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  159. I have a three year old daughter and its exhausting. I really can't imagine how hard it must be to be a parent to a young child while trying to recover from a serious illness. I check your blog regularly. In my opinion, anyone that criticizes your language is cruel. They obviously don't have children or the part of their brains involving empathy is seriously non-functional. To hurt someone who is clearly suffering terribly is a very cowardly thing to do.

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  160. Elisa,
    I have been reading you blog for a while and I'm so amazed by your courage, grace, and humor. Indeed, words can be harming if directed at another person or if they are intended to hurt others. Clearly, your intention is far from this.....you can use the f word to be angry at cance and the card you've been dealt! Fuckidy fuck fuck!

    Please do not change who you are, or how you feel, to accommodate others! You are not requesting they READ your blog! And the majority (minus 2) completely empathize how you feel.

    Funny story, I'm Irish and I took my daughter to Ireland on a visit, she was 5 years old. My brother (25 y) was telling a story and swore...it went something like this "This guy was a stupid, BEEP, BEEP, BEEF f'er"...I was horrified, here was my little princess, sitting in the room, hearing these words! Naturally, I turned to him and said "Mind your language!" and he said in his big dopey voice "what, what did I say?" and without missing a voice my daughter said "Uncle XXX, you said a bad word.....you said stupid"

    I'm sorry you had to deal with this bullshit Elisa. Continue to swear...they can choose to read your blog or NOT. I'm angry for you.
    N

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  161. I hope that reading all these comments makes you feel better, and that you can go on blogging using the wonderful, and occasionally profane, voice that your legions of followers love so much. I am one of them.

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  162. Thrilled to hear that your scans are looking so good. I hope Nathan is doing similarly well.

    As to the ridiculousness of someone censoring you, on YOUR BLOG, as you fight the biggest battle of your life... absurb and cruel. There are many people praying for you both, and unconditionally loving you. Anyone that can't do that should move along. What a load of crap, you certainly do not need that! Keep rockin', you're beating back the beast.

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  163. It is too bad that someone who follows your families story feels like they can judge you and how you express yourself on your blog. That isn't your worry. Your worry is yourself and your family. What is important is that you talke care of yourself and focus on getting better. All this other stuff is petty bullshit and unfair. As us USC fans would say....FIGHT ON!!!! Hang in there!!

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  164. fuck that! the rest of us will pray extra hard to make up for anyone you lose due to your language. :) biggest hugs and keep up the good fight. so happy your recent scan was good news!

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  165. i want to comment, and i hope it is taken in the spirit in which it is meant.

    i am so glad you "came clean" about what had caused you to hesitate to write as freely as you had previously.

    of course everyone who has commented in solidarity is right, but i know that doesn't erase the original, ridiculous criticism that made you question yourself. i am sure the sting hasn't faded, if you allow yourself to think about it. so see? you are right, words DO matter. and it sounds to me like some pointed, judgmental, most likely holier-than-thou words have done more damage than any stupid swear word could do.

    i know many have defended your words, giving the incredible fight you are in the midst of as your "free pass", and i understand that AND AGREE. but i just want to point out that you are so much more than your illness, and this blog is so much more than a narrative of your illness, and you would have just as much of a right to say fuck or damn or shit or hello or dog or cat or anything else, even if you weren't battling cancer.

    i don't mean to offend any of the previous commentators or cause a stir, but i really just want to validate you and your words, as a fellow human, not just as someone who is enduring so much physical pain. i hope this makes sense!

    if i wasn't so sure that my mom doesn't know how to use a computer, i would think she was one of the castigators. she didn't tell you she was going to wash your mouth out with a bar of soap, did she?

    oh, and i am pretty sure it's okay to use scripture irreverently. in fact, i bet god gives us extra credit.

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  166. Aww, Elisa, I am sorry anyone made you feel you needed to apologize. This is your blog and this is your place to vent and not give medical updates as you put it. You owe no one an explanation. Just be who you are. I have used the f-bomb more than a few times in my so-called "educated" lifetime to blow off steam! So have at it girlfriend! I honestly do not know anyone that deserves to do it more than you Elisa. I always love what you write be it a little quip or a whole article worthy dialogue with us! I love you and I do not care what the "f" you say as long as you believe you are being true to yourself. You know I have read here a long time, at least long enough to know if you are being cautious. I only found out about you via Jennifer Griffin's blog on her ordeal with breast cancer. Being a freelance political writer I can tell you honestly there are pros and there are pros! Mean what you say, yes words matter, verberate, but if they are tempered because people are offended so what! They just do not have to come here. If you have to chose what you write and how you write it so that "someone" won't be offended the hell with it or them!

    I am happy you and your two commenters that e-mailed you had no intention to hurt you. To some those words are offensive Elisa and I guess that is all they were trying to tell you, but not hurt you, thank God.

    Having said that, I shoot my mouth off all the time, I am a straight shooter, and I am not bragging, but seriously, when I worked for Pajamas Media News Network out of LA Fox News actually refused to hire me to write for them because I was "too" honest. So much for fair and balanced, yah think?

    Just keep writing about whatever you want Elisa, what makes you happy, what you cooked, about what hurt your feelings, or how you told someone or something like breast cancer to f'off!

    I come here because I love reading what you write. I love your honesty and the candid beauty in that. I do not care about the f-bombs and if it really bothers someone or a bunch of someone's - let them just go away - do not come here because there are plenty of us that do not care because we are here to support you, not the f-bombs!

    I love you girlfriend! You are awesome and I pray for you daily and will keep it up because that is who I am and what I do. You, Nathan, and Sadie are special to those of us that have come to know you.

    Thank you Elisa, yes thank you for sharing your life, your words, your f-bombs - thank you for sharing your family, but most of all thank you for sharing YOU!

    -Liz xoxoxoxo

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  167. Elisa, I admire you and wish you the best! Cancer is scary and we can say whatever we feel the need to say when it comes to OUR lives and OUR pains. No one can understand what we go through until they have been in Cancer's shoes! They are sometimes too damn tight!
    Praying for you and your family always!
    Lisa

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  168. Y'all who had the friggen nerve to open your digital pieholes to this beautiful brave woman?

    Shut the fuck up. I devoutly hope you're reading this.

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  169. elisa, drop 'f' bombs, be irreverant, be authentic, but most of all please blog! i've been following your story since you went public and have been praying for you, keep fighting!

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  170. this is basically your diary. It's supposed to be your space to let out steam. we're lucky that we even get a peek. You shouldnt have to think twice about what you say on here and how you say it. Keep fighting and cuss away! It's what we do in Brooklyn anyway :)

    Love and good vibes!!

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  171. Oh, Elisa ~ I started reading your blog one month after you and Nathan were diagnosed. Your web address is one of my "bookmarks" and I check for updates at least a few times a week. I get nervous and frustrated when there isn't one (no pressure!). I am a former-frequent-user of the f-bomb. It continues to be the most expressive word I know. It can convey surprise, anger, frustration, confusion, excitement, contentment, joy, and so on... When you put yourself out "there", like you do on this blog, you open yourself up to all of the love, support and criticism ~ the good and the bad (although it doesn't sound like it was meant to be bad). You have once again inspired me!!! Your willingness to accept the criticism, to pray about it, to find forgiveness, to consider what you are to draw from it is admirable. I honestly believe that is what we are meant to do - exactly what you have done - but I'm not sure I would be able to do it so gracefully! Thank you, Elisa! You and Nathan and Sadie have my prayers.

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  172. Elisa,

    Your blog,your words.Plain and simple.There are those who don't use " the words " that you might use or I use or the person next to me uses.And that's okay. But what you choose to write is your choice. Take care!!

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  173. Words do not have to hurt, they are just 'words' people! Don't give them the power. Sometimes we girls tell each other to 'F-off', usually in jest and while we are hugging each other so hard and laughing! But, I am sure strangers saying the same thing may not come out the same. Put yourself in the shoes of someone fighting cancer. Sometimes you need a good swear word! I am a cancer survivor, the other day my son asked me why my husband (his step dad) snapped at me. I explained to him that it really did not bother me, that there are MUCH worse things than some words, that he is stressed and most likely did not hear his tone. When you have had cancer, you just don't sweat the small stuff. Bad way to learn this lesson, getting cancer, hope no one else learns it this way. Keep the love coming to Elisa and just don't worry about a few f bombs!! She is still a loving wife, mother, friend and all around great human.

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  174. Elisa: Swears or no swears, I'm still praying for you. We have all used language that others didn't like. They are your words that you are using in the moment that you are feeling them. We could put out the prettiest flowers each day & there would be someone who wouldn't like them. We can't please everyone all the time. You have to please yourself. If you like how you are, then that is what we will all like about you too. Don't let a couple people bring you down. Keep fighting your battle. Love your family. Share your story.

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  175. Wow. I'm shocked. I suppose I shouldn't be. But I am. This is your space. This is your struggle. This is your voice. As someone who writes (and swears) a lot, I find myself offended at the ego-centricity these people dare to have as you share your very personal feelings, hopes and fears with all who are praying for you. I have been following your blog since day 1 but have never posted a comment. No one can ever shut you up so I felt compelled to not shut up either. Don't ever change and we won't ever stop supporting you and your family, whatever words you choose.

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  176. This completely shocks me! I was wondering why you weren't blogging anymore and am so sad it's b/c someone opened their mouth! What kind of level headed person judges someone else fighting cancer in their own personal space. That angers me. I love your blog and have really missed it! As a mother of two, I love the cussing - ha ha! It's who you are and you should never apologize for that. I pray you can move on from this and keep on blogging! Should I start a petition?! :)
    Praying for you guys always ...

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  177. I don't like cursing. I work hard not to do it but sometimes the F word is just the only word I can find that suits the situation. That's who I am. I, personally, strive to be better at that particular thing I do not find attractive in myself or in others.

    That being said, we all have a choice in how we spend our time and if we choose to read what you write, then we need to be prepared to accept all of you. If we're willing to read about vomiting after treatment, we need to be ready to hear it with a voice that is real.

    Do I advocate running out and making your next blog littered with profanity? No. What I am saying is this: People are people and how they perceive your writing is on them. Don't stop being who you are, you've fought an amazing journey and have a story to share. Don't stop fighting and don't stop sharing that story!

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  178. Wow. They can all just piss off. That's like me coming to your house and telling you that you should need to change your decor to match my tastes. Fuck that. You're a far better person than I to even consider their feelings.

    Keep on fucking that cancer up.

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  179. I have read your blog for a while now but have never commented. My name is Lisa and I live just outside of Austin, Texas. I, too have Stage IV BC. I was diagnosed 8 years ago this month with Stage IIB BC. I was 37 and my children were 5 and 2. I have been Stage IV for four years now...first came back as 2 small tumors on lower lumbar spine in'08 and '10 a small tumor on liver and '11 another small tumor on liver. Right now I really have NED but am doing a trial study. So far I seem to be responding. My children are now 14 and 10 and life is not easy but we have so much to do with the kids and their sports activities. Anyway, you have every right to say exactly what you want on your own blog. Don't like it, don't read it!! Unless these people walk in the same shoes we do, they have no clue. This is your space...and I enjoy your blogs. I understand it. I think of you and your husband often (and Sadie) and you are two very strong and encouraging people. Keep up the good fight....and keep blogging! Lisa

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  180. Keep on writing and use whatever words you feel like using. I enjoy reading your blogs and will continue to pray for you and your family.

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  181. WTF?? I can't believe that anyone would dare admonish you for sharing your personal struggle in your own words. While I believe that every person has the right to his or her own beliefs, NO ONE (politicians included) has the right to impose those beliefs on others. If you don't like cursing, don't curse. If you don't like seeing curse words in print, carefully chose what you read. My mom (who died of lung cancer) used to say, "No one can tell what it's like to live her life unless she has walked a day in her shoes." So, to the person who chastied you for your language, I'd simply say, "You don't know what you'd do (or say) if you were in Elisa's shoes, so shut the fuck up."

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  182. You are AMAZING and your voice is a true and authentic one. It is your blog and your story. Don't feel you need to apologize for you.

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  183. And it is SO GOOD to see you back. You have been missed. Peace and health you you, Nathan, Sadie and your families.

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  184. Girlfriend this is YOUR blog and YOUR voice so use it however you need to whether it be to vent, keep those that are following you up to date or anything else. If someone is offended by the language you choose to use on your blog than they can log off and not read it. I appreciate your openness and honesty. So keep on cussing and using your blog for however you choose. Keeping you, Nathan and Sadie in my prayers

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  185. Everyone has a right to express themselves. And without being political, that's what makes our country great. The reality is, along the way people are also entitled to dislike our opinions and our verbage. You are entitled to your feelings and your descriptive expression of them. Accept that these people who judge or are offended entitled to that as well. Their judgements of your verbage do not change the way you feel and the way you blow off steam! Do not let them diminish your voice. You cannot change the way people react or feel with the perception they have of you, all you can do is change the way you react to it and what you take from it. Be who you are and know that not everyone will love you for you, but be the person YOU want to be for yourself, your daughter and your entire family. At the end of the day your blog is a legacy you leave to them, a beautiful gift of your thoughts and your reality even if it isn't pretty every time. Write to those people. The rest of us are just privileged enough to be able to follow you as well and seek solace in the "not alone" mentality and relish in the realness of your words. Your realism and reactions are what make people read and care after never even having met you.

    There is no emily post guide to a blog, so keep moving with the times! From a person that does pray for you, write what works for you!Albeit I'm a fair weather catholic so who know's what clout I might have, its still another good thought put out there for the universe to do what it may.

    And I would challenge your critics to turn the mirror on themselves and realize for all their piety they have judged another and as a sinner myself, I always try not to judge those for their "sins". let he who is without sin throw the first stone. No one is perfect. Do not diminish your voice on account of a few critics. You would likely tell Sadie to not let the fear hold her back, so do the same.

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  186. Ms Delgado-Oh my - are you FUCKING kidding me!!! I remember when you first reported that you and Nathan had both been diagnosed with cancer within 9 days of each other. I wrote an email to you to let you know that I spent a week storming around my house screaming FUCK loudly in between various other phrases that also included the word FUCK (and I capitalize it b/c it was definitely expressed in all caps) Quite frankly, what the FUCK else do you say in the face of it all? I know you have a powerful team behind you, but from my perspective the word FUCK has also been a really good friend to you and I am fucking mad as hell that you were made to feel guilty or uncomfortable or bad in any way about your fucking choice to be friends with Fuck. The way I see it Fuck is a core part of your team - it's there for you whenever you fucking need it and it is a powerful way to channel all those fucking feelings of rage and overwhelm and grief and everything else you confront in this wicked fucking battle. I'm not a linguist or a wordsmith, but I can tell you I, personally, have been deeply fucking grateful not only for your use of the word fuck, but for the existence of such a fucking awesome word. Now, I'm just going to try and have compassion for whoever fucking called you out like that b/c I don't believe in being stuck in anger, but really, you are the most amazing person on the fucking planet as far as I'm concerned. Your voice is so beautiful, honest, and strong. Your wisdom and insight and love shine through in the midst of all those fucks. I fucking love you and I love connecting with you in your blog space. To me it feels like this incredible act of generosity for you to even show up here with all you've got on your fucking plate, so don't you dare let those anti-fuckers diminish your voice. I've got so much fucking love for you!! Ms Reed

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  187. Dear Elisa,
    My husband and I owned a restaurant a few years ago and from that experience I learned you will not satisfy every customer. It is impossible to satisfy everyone. We had a great business and great food but, there was always a very small percentage of people who you just cannot satisfy and have to complain about something. We are all not cut from the same cloth. We all have different beliefs, morals, religions, values and different taste buds. Do not change who you are to satisfy someone else. If someone doesn't like your blog, don't read it. You are who you are don't change that for someone you don't even know. You and your husband are fighting for your lives and how dare this person try to sensor you and tell you what you should write. Be true to yourself. You and your family are in my prayers and I look forward to reading your blogs with F words and all.

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  188. Elisa,

    The very last place you should be stifled is on your blog! I have the hardest time not letting negative comments get to me, but I know I have to try to let them go. For every negative comment, there are at least 100 positive ones. I hope that you keep writing because the majority enjoy reading your blog- profanity and all. I think of your family often as you seem to bear many similarities to my own. I'll continue to send positive vibes your way.

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  189. Wow. I cannot believe not one, but two people felt it was THEIR business to tell you they didn't like your choice of words. Seriously?! With all you are going through, they really need to project their beliefs onto you? I would love to say to those people DON'T READ YOUR BLOG if they don't like the words you use. I mean, REALLY?! How freaking selfish can people be?!? You and your husband are fighting for your lives and these people choose to focus on your language?!?!?!?! Not much shocks me, but this does. Why do these people think they are so important that their opinions even matter!?!? Fucking idiots, in my opinion. No one is making you read this blog, people. If you are offended by the content, go find something else to read. Leave Elisa alone...she has enough to deal with.

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  190. You do what ever the hell you want and say whatever the hell you want. Who, in their right mind, would would ever bring up anything about you cussing!!!!!! I have been following you from the beginning of you and your husband's ordeal. I just had to comment on anyone having the nerve to say anything negative about you. If they are offended by your language, they can get the hell out of Dodge. You go girl!!!!! Keep up the fight!!!!
    Say and do anything you please!!!!! This is coming from a mother of a 40 year old daughter and a 36 year old son.

    Angery Mother In North Carolina

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